Review: The School Gate Survival Guide by Kerry Fisher

I read this book when it originally came out as The Class Ceiling last year. It's being re-released on Kindle this week as The School Gate Survival Guide and will be released in paperback later in the year.

The new title of this book really tells you what it's about: school gate politics. The protagonist Maia has an unpronouncable surname, which is probably the only thing I didn't like about the book to be honest. She lives in a less-than-desirable place, with a less-than-desirable partner, doing less-than-desirable work but one day finds herself in a position where her children are given scholarships to the local public school. Obviously, she stands out like a sore thumb and seems to instantly make enemies of some of the snobbier mums. 

This part of the story is an extreme version of something we can all relate to. We all feel like one of the parents at the school gate looks down on us or sniffs at our children's breakfast-smudged faces. Maia does meet a nice lady who becomes a good friend though, and muddles on through whilst developing a bit of a crush on one of the teachers at the posh school. This book highlights the distaste the English middle class often seems to feel for those occupying the lower

rungs of the social ladder. Some of the characters are so gloriously bitchy, they woke up my inverse snobbery and I found myself outraged on Maia's behalf! 

There was something about this book that just kept me reading. It's a very easy read, but far from your average, fluffy school gate book; I felt like there was something of an intelligent undertone (if such a thing exists). The storyline was far from predictable, and there's a twist toward the end that I definitely did not see coming. 

There are a lot of "chick lit" books on the market that seem to have been published purely because "this sort of thing sells well" and not necessarily based on any sort of talent or quality. For me, this book stands a mile above a sea of dross. It's well written, brilliantly thought out and expertly assembled. 

Note: I was not asked to review this book; I have written about it because I enjoyed reading it, and thought my readers would too.

Review: The Fairytale Hairdresser

Last weekend, S and I were happily wandering around town, minding our own business, when a lady walking past handed us a flyer and told me there was a Story Time starting at Waterstones in half an hour.

We went along to see what it was all about... imagine our surprise when we realised it wasn't just any old Story Time! Oh, no. This was Story Time with Abie Longstaff, the fabulous children's author. She was reading her latest book when we got there, and then read another book, and then showed the children some photos of her working, and drafts of her new book, explaining how she and her illustrator, Lauren Beard, work together to create the book we'll see in the shops soon. She had even brought dolls with hair accessories for the children to play with, which I thought was lovely.

I bought S a copy of The Fairytale Hairdresser , which was Abie's first book; she told me it's probably the one best suited to a two year old. She's written lots more though: many featuring the Fairytale Hairdresser (there's even one featuring Father Christmas), and many with other characters.

What I absolutely love about this book is that although the story and pictures are very much original creations, they incorporate many well-known  fairytale characters. When I was little, I clearly remember being given a story book where a post man brought letters to the three bears and Cinderella, among others. It was my favourite because it felt like I was catching a glimpse of what happened in these characters' lives after they all lived happily ever after! I watched as Abie read her books to the children, how excited they all were to point out the characters they had spotted in the books. The first page of this book alone has the Giant, Red RidingHood, the wolf (he runs an opticians: all the better to see you with!), goldilocks and the three pigs.

At the moment, S is still a little young to be familiar with fairy stories, or to care much about them. I'm fairly sure she likes this book because she's just discovered she has hair - and thanks to my sister buying her some My Little Pony hair clips while I was away last week, she's also discovered she can play with her hair and have it tied up prettily. 

Kittie the Fairytale Hairdresser is the best hairdresser in all the land and brushes and cuts all of the characters' hair. In this book, she helps Rapunzel to escape the wicked witch keeping her prisoner and to  find her prince by taming her long, messy hair and pulling it into one big plait. 

S loves the bit where Kittie is climbing back down the tower on Rapunzel's hair. I do too; it's a funny take on a traditional fairy story. A sure sign that this is a new favourite is the fact it's been in the house a week, and hasn't found its way to a shelf or book box yet. It's usually on the beanbag or the sofa, ready to be read at a moment's notice!

What I really like about this book is that for the moment, it's a nice story for us to read together - but it feels like a book that will last a long time for her. As she grows older and learns the classic fairy stories that all children learn, the book will take on a different meaning for her as she searches out all of the characters she's seen elsewhere. 

Since S is quite small, I've never had cause to notice when children's authors came to our part of the world. This is the first time I've known a children's author to come, and to me it made a real difference. When you go looking for children's books, you're faced with a sea of brightly-coloured books, and you've really no idea of what your child will think is fun, or what they'll think is boring. S has loads of books she reads, but also lots she doesn't read. I will definitely be keeping my eye out for notices about more visits from children's authors - and hoping they're all as fun to see as Abie Longstaff!

Note: I was not asked to write a review of this book; I have written it because S and I have both enjoyed reading it!

My Sunday Photo: 2014-06-29

This week, S and I spent our day off at my mum's house, making the most of her garden and the weather!

Why not follow me on Instagram for more amazing photos!

Weekend Blog Hop 2014-06-28

Welcome back to the #WeekendBlogHop!

I hope everyone has had a fabulous week.

This week Tots100 announced they are dropping Kred from their metrics and replacing it with Instagram. With that in mind, Laura and I have decided to make this week's Weekend Blog Hop the usual blog linky, but also an Instagram link-up, where you can add a link to your Instagram page and follow others.

As Laura and I are hosting, we would ask that everyone linking up please follow us:
Here is my Instagram profile
Here is Laura's Instagram profile

This week I have chosen the Bloggers' Showcase...

I've chosen this post from Deb's Random Writings
It's a long post, but so moving. I defy any parent to read this post and not weep a little at what this family has gone through before finally getting a diagnosis for Gregs. I love that Debs ends the post on such a positive note, when it would be so easy for her to have become bitter and angry.

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Note: The above badge is for the Bloggers Showcase Only. If you would like the Weekend Blog Hop Badge, you can find it at the bottom of this post.

Now for the #WeekendBlogHop

The rules are simple:

• Link up your BLOG. Do not link up individual posts; these will be removed. 
• Comment on the most recent post of the two blogs ahead of you in the linky. If you have already commented on that post, pick the post published before that. 
• You can comment on more if you like!
• If you tweet your blog using #WeekendBlogHop and tag @mylifeasamummyx and @singlemahoy we will RT as many as possible.

Link up your BLOG here


Link up your INSTAGRAM here

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Have a fabulous weekend all!

Leo Claims

A friend of mine fell over in a restaurant the other day. She tripped up a small step, and as is the law of the sod, fell flat on her face damaging her knee badly, as well as her shoulder and back. When she told me, I jokingly said, "where there's blame there's a claim!" and we had a good old giggle about it.

Except that now, a week or so later, she is still in agony with her knee. She can't bend it properly, and can't walk without pain. She's not been back to work properly since her accident, and now the idea of getting compensation for the pain she's in isn't quite such a joke.

Leo Claims are a specialist team of personal injury solicitors  with over forty years' experience in accident claims and personal injury. They've worked with over 100,000 clients, helping them to claim the compensation they deserve on a no win, no fee basis.

The fact of the matter is that if you're injured or ill, in whatever way, that can have a massive impact on your life. As a single parent, if something happened to me that made me unable to work even for a day, S and I would be out of pocket and I would struggle to recoup that loss.

Leo Claims deal with all types of personal injury, including road traffic accidents,  personal injury, medical negligence and accidents at work. Their no win, no fee basis means you're not out of pocket if you try to claim compensation but are not successful.

My friend is not one of those people who enjoys having to sit still; she's a busy woman spinning a lot of plates. Having to sit on the sofa with her leg up is not her cup of tea at all; I think I'll pass her the number for Leo Claims!

Note: This post has been written in collaboration with Leo Claims.

Defining and Achieving Success

I wrote a post a while back about how everyone's definition of success is different.

For some, it's the fancy pants job with the corner office and the latest new car. For others it's opting out of society entirely.  

For me... I'm still not sure exactly what it is.

Parenting-wise, I think I actually consider myself to be fairly successful at the moment. Several things have happened lately that have made me feel really proud of S; silly little things like sharing her food with me, without my asking, or saying thank you without being prompted. Or the bigger things, like moving rooms in nursery and being completely un-phased by it, or sleeping through her first night away from me & not having a massive midnight panic. Things like this make me think, yeah, I'm doing a pretty good job with this at the moment; things are good. That's not to say I know how I've achieved these things, or how I can replicate them in months or years to come, but right now I'm really very proud of my daughter.

Personally, things are up and down. The weeks leading up to Brit Mums Live were a massive panic of trying to get everything done before I left. I only had one day off work - and even then I was checking my emails at the hotel - but still, I was super paranoid about making sure I didn't let any clients down. I promised myself a million times that things would be less chaotic "after Brit Mums..."

I also promised myself that once I got back, I would do some serious self-development work and try to sort myself out. I have some fantastic clients, and I love the work I do - but I still have points in the month where there's no money in the bank, and that bothers me. It's ok if I know I have this invoice outstanding, or I need to send an invoice for this, but sometimes I have neither of these things, and I'm left panicking about what S and I will live off for the next week or so.

I am frankly tired of being in this position, and I know I need to do something to change that. Before I can do that though, I really need to figure out exactly what it is I'm aiming for here!

Several times over the last few months, and especially at Brit Mums Live, I've heard people extolling the virtues of a business plan. You need to have a business plan; you must make a business plan. I don't have a business plan, and I find it hard to put what I do into that sort of framework. Nevertheless, I need to just sit down, get my head down and get on with it.

I know that I need to make a proper plan, name a goal and then break that down into smaller goals. I need to have something concrete to aim at because I've been coasting along now for a few months, and I'm making very little headway.

So this is where you come in, dear fabulous readers. If you are self employed, in whatever guise, and you can offer any sort of wisdom, guidance or support, please do! You can leave a comment here, email me, Facebook me, Tweet me, send a carrier pigeon. I would genuinely love to hear from you on this!

Wordless Wednesday: 2014-06-25

Thinking About My Voice

As you may have heard, I attended Brit Mums Live over the weekend. For those who don't know, it's a massive convention of parent bloggers where there are presentations and panel discussions on various topics, as well as lots of brands, competitions etc.

There has been a lot of talk of "our voice" - both during the convention and since. Parent bloggers, as a group, do have a massive voice - and when they campaign, either for or against something, people sit up and listen. Parent bloggers are no longer just "mummy bloggers" seen as droning on about dirty nappies and daytime telly; the media and wider society have recognised that actually, parent bloggers often have a lot to say - a voice. Bloggers are regularly invited onto chat programs and even into TV news studios to offer their opinion on all manner of subjects; people care what they have to say, as much as any pundit or talking head.

Someone like Hayley from Downs Side Up, who has worked tirelessly to change media portrayals of people with Down's Syndrome and raised thousands for related charities through the platform blogging has afforded her (and by the way, she's bloody lovely too and completely unassuming, considering what she's achieved). Or Jennie from Edspire, who has turned unimaginable tragedy into massive fund raising and awareness of SIDS. Many more besides have used their blog to campaign and to raise awareness for conditions, situations, illnesses and charities.

But what about me? What's my voice?

Obviously, this blog is about being a single parent. When I first started out, I would write a great deal about my life with S and what we got up to, alongside dealing with my thoughts and emotions concerning my relationship with her father. As much as anything, it was just a place to try and sort out how I was feeling.

These days though... what is my blog actually about?

I don't actually feel like I fit into the "parent blogger" category; I blog about parenting, but also about lots of other things. Lately, I've been writing a lot of book reviews - many of those books are nothing to do with parenting. My most popular post is one that - although about childcare - is arguably more of a political nature than a parenting one.

I am regularly asked to contribute to radio shows about parenting issues; my local BBC station has me on several times a month, and I've also been on BBC London, Five Live and LBC talking about various issues related to parenting. The last time was more about education and Ofsted, but still very much parenting-related.

But still, I don't feel like I fit into the parent blogger category.

When I think of at whom my posts are aimed, I don't think of other bloggers. Of course, I like it when other bloggers read my posts - but I don't write with them in mind.

I don't write for other bloggers to read what I have to say on the same subject about which they've already written their own post. 

I don't write for my family and friends to keep up with mine and S's shenanigans - they do that via Facebook or in person. 

I try to aim my blog posts wider, at people who aren't bloggers and have never met me. Not necessarily parents, not necessarily women, not necessarily people living in social housing in a situation similar to mine. I'm not sure if that's who I always hit, but that's who I'm aiming at: just people.

I suppose really, that does make me a parent blogger - but I don't feel like one. When I went to Brit Mums Live, I didn't feel like I fit in, amongst all these women who know each other's lives through their blogs. I don't actively follow many blogs; I dip in and out of those whose Twitter feeds I follow, depending on whether the links they post catch my eye. I may well find myself ex-communicated for admitting this but to be honest, I'm more interested in ranty posts about big issues, rather than what anyone's child has been up to this week. I have nothing against other people's children; I wouldn't expect other people to be overly interested in what my child is up to either, to be fair.

While I was at Brit Mums Live, I heard one person comment, in what sounded to me like a slightly exacerbated tone, that there are just so many "new" bloggers out there these days. I think that's a great thing. I think it's great that so many parents - men and women - are finding a voice, and using it to speak about whatever the heck they like. After all, we all have a Facebook and a Twitter these days; why shouldn't we also have a blog? I've been blogging since 2000; I've found blogging to be a great way of ordering my thoughts and keeping a record of what I've been doing. It wasn't until I started this blog though, that I found my voice and what I wanted to talk about.

Perhaps this is just me having a bad case of the Groucho Marx, not wanting to join that club, wear that label. Perhaps it's just the plain and simple fact that I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere; old school playground insecurities thrust to the fore when confronted with a room filled with chatting and ebullient bloggers who all seem to already know not just each other, but each other's children's names, dates of birth and favourite places and toys.

Because really, I'm a parent and a blogger. So whatever I write about on a day-to-day basis, I'm still a parent blogger. I have a voice, and sometimes people listen to it. I suppose real question here isn't whether I'm a parent blogger, but what I want to use my parent blogger voice for. What do I want to say? And why do I think people should or would listen to me?

I would love to know your thoughts on this: what do you think of your voice? Do you feel like you fit into the parent blogger category? Are you someone who reads my blog but isn't a parent or a blogger? Do please leave a comment and let me know!

Review: The Happiest Toddler on the Block

Harvey Karp, MD is an American paediatrician, probably better known in the States for his Happiest Baby on the Block  book, first published in 2002. In 2004, Happiest Toddler on the Block followed.

I've not read Happiest Baby on the Block; I discovered Karp when S began to enter the dreaded "terrible twos" and I was searching for any book that might help! I've already written a post about how I was getting on with this book.

Those of you who read this blog regularly may already know I'm something of a "hippie" when it comes to parenting. I don't believe in because I said so or punishments. People give me funny looks in the street because I get down onto my knees to talk to S about what is going on.

This book then, was an absolute godsend to me. Karp doesn't just give ideas for helping your toddler get through the days, but explains why they find it so hard to just sit still/do as they're told/not kick off over the smallest thing.

Karp's explanation centres around the fact that toddlers' brains are not fully developed, and so function a lot like that of a cave man. In the same way that, when we get really angry or upset our behaviour descends to an almost primitive "flight or flight" state, this is amplified for toddlers. And when they're tired or hungry, that's even worse!

This week's column in my local paper,
about using one of Karp's techniques.

Some of Karp's ideas sound a little bonkers on paper; one of his favoured techniques when your child is having a tantrum, is to reflect their feelings back to them in a similar tone of voice and with similar language. So rather than say, I know you want to stay in the park, but I have to go shopping and we're late so come on!"  you say instead, Johnny says, no, no, no! No leave! Johnny wants to stay in the park but Mummy says no, Mummy says time to go! You then team that with something like I bet I can beat you to the gate or something to make leaving the park fun.

There are loads of great resources in Karp's book, and I've tried most of them out. The only thing I don't agree with is the use of "time out," which I've never been a fan of and as yet have not felt the need to use with S.

I like the way he explains, not only why toddlers often behave the way we do, but why parents often over-react to their children's behaviour. Once you understand this sort of thing, it makes it a lot easier to cope with, but also to try and help them through the hard times they have dealing with their emotions.

Note: I was not asked to review a copy of this book; I have reviewed it because I think it is a valuable resource for parents of toddlers.

My Sunday Photo 2014-06-22

I took this photo on Thursday evening when we got home from nursery; I was wanting lots of cuddles, as I knew I would be away at Brit Mums Live the following evening. S was not so keen on the cuddles though!

Weekend Blog Hop 2014-06-21

Welcome back to the #WeekendBlogHop!

I am at Brit Mums Live today, but this post is al scheduled and awesome so you needn't miss out... though half of you are probably here too.

Laura chose the Bloggers Showcase this week; she's chosen the lovely Kim from Northumberland Mam

Laura says:

Kim wrote a brilliant post called You're A Good Mum In this post, Kim shows that it is OK to parent differently to others. By doing it differently does not make you a bad Mum. For me this really hit home as I have often been judged for bottle feeding my children instead of breast feeding.

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Note: The above badge is for the Bloggers Showcase Only. If you would like the Weekend Blog Hop Badge, you can find it at the bottom of this post.

Now for the #WeekendBlogHop

The rules are simple:

• Link up your BLOG. Do not link up individual posts; these will be removed. 
• Comment on the most recent post of the two blogs ahead of you in the linky. If you have already commented on that post, pick the post published before that. 
• You can comment on more if you like!
• If you tweet your blog using #WeekendBlogHop and tag @mylifeasamummyx and @singlemahoy we will RT as many as possible.

Link Up Your BLOG here

Link Up Your FACEBOOK PAGE here

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Have a fabulous weekend all!

Women Inspiring Women Awards

I am a member of Damsels in Success, a business network for women. Every year, they run the Women Inspiring Women Awards, which is a national thing for... well, women who have inspired other women.

I knew the awards existed, and I knew the voting had opened for this year, but I didn't really think much of it after reading the initial email.

Then, a couple of weeks ago I opened my inbox to find an email with the subject "you've been nominated!" Shocked, I opened the email to find that a lady I barely know had nominated me for a Women Inspiring Women award in the Author/blogger category.

After that, I made a half-hearted attempt to ask people to nominate me for the award, but didn't really put much effort into it. Imagine my surprise earlier this week then, when I received this email:

I made that pretty big, so you could see it!

So now it seems I am in the running to win an award - one of seven shortlisted in the Author/Blogger category. And as it turns out, I'd quite like to win!

So here is the bit where I make a shameless plea for votes: I would absolutely love it if you would vote for me to win this award. I cannot tell you just how much it would mean to me, to win an award - not just for writing, but for inspiring other women. As someone who started this blog in the pit of despair, as a way to try and find some sense of what was going on in my life, the idea that I might have inspired anyone is a massive thing for me. To win an award for such a thing would just blow my mind.

Here is the link you need to vote for me.

Thank you for your time!

Review: Marwell Wildlife

We were lucky enough to be invited to Marwell Zoo for the day. We were so excited, we decided to add it to the end of our weekend away so as to extend the fun.

The first thing we noticed as we went through the entrance was a lady handing out stickers. At first we thought they were just cool things for the kids, but then the lady explained what they were. Each child gets a sticker, and their parents write their mobile number in the space on the sticker. That way, if the child is lost they can easily be reunited with their parents.

You can see S's sticker in this photo. Sensible parents stuck the stickers on their children's backs, so they couldn't be pulled off!

The first thing we did when we got into the park was go on the train. There are two trains at Marwell: the land train is free and pulled along by a tractor (omg!) and the... er... train train costs £2.50 per person.

We kept missing the land trains, but we did enjoy seeing them pass us, and passing them! We did go on the train train though! The train station is not far from the entrance to the park, so as soon as we'd seen the penguins we hopped on the train. It does one long circuit of the park and then comes back to the same train platform, so we left the buggy on the platform and off we went. The train was fantastic because it got us really close to the animals; closer than you would get from just walking around the park.

Here's S saying hi to the flamingoes

If your child is a bit of a wriggler, this might not be the attraction for you; it's just small carriages with benches facing each other and the hand rails you can see in the picture here. The train doesn't move very fast, and I can't imagine anyone's ever fallen out, but it would probably just be a bit of a pain to have to try and hold down a wriggly toddler. Luckily we distracted S with food in between the animals, which she absolutely loved seeing.

What we loved the most about Marwell was that even when you're not on the train, you can still get fairly close to the animals. The penguins for instance, had a small mesh fence around them (because they can't fly so can't escape) and a sign telling you not to touch them because they'll peck you. This was great because it meant S was able to see a lot of the animals without needing to be lifted up. 

We were lucky enough to be able to see the giraffes being fed right in front of us!

What I also loved was that the cafe we went to had a massive outdoor seating area, which was also really close to the animals. So while the parents finish their lunch the kids can go and see the animals. The fence here was slatted as well, so even the tiniest of toddlers could have a peek through.

S enjoying the view after her lunch

A lot of the fences are slatted or have large perspex windows in them to allow smaller people to see. 

There are lots of interactive maps around the park, which are great for helping you find things, but also kids just love to press buttons and things don't they! What I also like is that there's a wet weather route set out, in case it's raining and you don't want to spend too much time trawling around getting wet toes.

We were lucky enough to be there on a day when the weather was quite nice though, which was handy. It was also the first day everyone went back to school after half term, so it was fairly quiet. One thing I liked though, was that there were bits and bobs dotted about the park aside from the animals - so if it was a really busy day there were other things to do besides wade through the crowds to see animals. We had great fun posing for photos as meerkats:

You can tell from this photo just how much my sister enjoyed having her photo taken! 

There is also a big adventure playground, the sort of place that looks like hell to most parents, but heaven to most kids. From what we saw of it, it seemed like the sort of place your children could play all day, and have just as much fun as if they'd spent it looking at the actual animals surrounding it!

Also, besides the animals, Marwell has Rise of the Dinosaurs running until 2nd September. As you enter the park you're given a fold-out leaflet with a map of the park showing where the dinosaurs are, with quiz questions, a word search and all sorts. This is fantastic if you have older kids - there are dinosaurs at various points around the park, and they all move and make a noise. There are also some facts on the fences around them. I was surprised to find that S really enjoyed these; they move and squawk, and one of them even squirts water. Kids always seem to love dinosaurs, don't they, and the facts were really quite interesting too. What I also loved about the dinosaurs was that there were things like "fossil discovery" dotted around the park - so children could use brushes to remove sand from fossils and bones and make their own discovery. Children love this sort of thing, and S is obsessed with sand so it's something children of all ages can get involved with.

Facilities

Lots of the paths around the animals were sloped rather than having stairs, and there were a lot of ramps in place so wheelchairs and pushchairs are well accommodated. This impressed me, as there's only so much bumping up and down steps a girl can do in one day, and you'd be surprised how many places just put random steps in here and there.

There were lots of toilets around the park, and although they could do with being better signposted in places, all of the ones we came across were clean and well looked after.

Yes, this really is a photograph of a toilet. For one thing, look how clean the whole area is. But more importantly, that there is a flip-down toddler toilet seat. How often do you see one of those in a public toilet? They weren't in every toilet we visited at the park, but it's still impressive to see them around!

Also, take a look at this:

These are Dyson hand dryers, a personal favourite of mine as they're so efficient - but there's one at parent height, and one at child height. Less need for picking your child up to dry their hands! Win!

At every toilet we stopped at, there were baby changing facilities in both the male and female toilets. There are also several of these "Changing Places" around the park, for people with disabilities who need more space and facilities available to them.

Other Considerations

As part of our visit to Marwell, there were certain things we had to look out for, and were given a tick sheet to fill in. We had to check for things like a non-smoking eating area, high chairs, baby changing facilities and so on. Here's what we found:

• We didn't see any no-smoking signs, but we also didn't see any smokers. My sister smokes, and whenever she felt the need she was sent off around a corner and out of the way as we didn't see any "smoking area" signs either.
• In the cafe we went to, I only saw 3 high chairs which was not fantastic, but I also didn't see anyone holding a baby, trying to find a high chair so perhaps they don't have use for them. I know S refuses to use a high chair while we're out these days.
• I asked the staff if there was a designated area for breastfeeding, and I absolutely loved the response I got. The lady told me no, you are free to breastfeed wherever you like. There followed a discussion about how some places have a "designated breastfeeding area" in the toilets, and how awful that would be for both mother and baby.
• There was a children's menu available in the cafe we went to, with healthy, sensible options. S and I "shared" fish fingers and chips though, as it was my birthday and we both fancied something nice.

• All of the staff were very friendly and knowledgeable. The reason I know so much about the Changing Places rooms is that a member of grounds staff saw me taking a photo and told us all about how great the rooms are. When I asked one lady about something and she didn't know the answer, she took me to someone else who did.

S had such a fantastic time at Marwell, she barely stayed in the pushchair for more than five minutes at a time and enjoyed running from animal to animal, jumping around on all the grass, and generally having a lot of fun. 

Of course, you can't go out for the day without having an ice cream! There was a massive range of flavours to choose from, and some with cleverly dinosaur-themed names, which was fun. 

We all went home very happy and tired; thanks for a fantastic day out, Marwell!

Note: We were invited to spend a day at Marwell Wildlife Park on behalf of Approved Family Friendly, in order to gauge how family friendly they are. All words and opinions are my own.

Fining Parents Who Don't Read With Their Children?

You know that bit at the beginning of Parklife where Phil Daniels says "I wish you'd just shut up"?

That's what I think of, every time I hear a news story about Sir Michael Wilshaw.

His latest words of wisdom were spoken to the Times, and include:

If parents didn't come into school, didn't come to parents' evening, didn't ensure they did their homework, I would tell them they were bad parents. I think head teachers should have the power to fine them. It's sending the message that you are responsible for your children no matter how poor you are.

I'm almost at a loss as to where to start with this one.

What if you can't make it to parents' evening because you're working every available shift at work, in order to keep the wolf from the door?

What if you can't make sure your child does their homework because you're at work, then cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, collapsing in a heap on the floor? You know you should make your child do their homework, but you only see them for a couple of hours a day and don't want that to turn into a battle of wills where you try and force them to do something you can't help them with because you're not so good with academic things?

The headline on the front of today's Times reads: 

Fine parents who don't read to children, says schools chief.

I understand where Wilshaw is coming from on this one;  I know that teachers really have their work cut out for them if parents aren't doing their best to encourage learning and discipline in the home... but just as putting a child in detention doesn't make them want to learn, fining a parent will not suddenly make them inclined or able to read with their child. It makes them both resent the system.

Wilshaw accuses white working-class families of "no longer valuing education as a way to improve their family's prospects."

Wait a moment... if this country has come to the point where white working-class families do not think education can improve their prospects, whose fault is that? Who should be punished? The people who are disillusioned with the system, or the people who created that system and allowed that disillusionment to take root and grow?

If you've grown up in a situation where you have little choice but to believe you are stuck here, detested by the government that rules over you, assuming you are a feckless loser who defrauds the system for all you can get from it, why would you think going to school would make a difference to you? Why would parents send their children to school every day, when their own schooling amounted to the situation they are in at present?

In the same way that many older people are advising their children to put their money anywhere other than in a pension, because "look what happened to my pension fund," many parents do not see a great deal of value in education these days.

Apparently "too often deprivation [is] used as an excuse for low achievement."

Excuse?

An excuse?

Or perhaps it's a valid reason for low achievement.

Perhaps white working class children are not achieving a great deal because they're constantly hungry, their parents unable to provide balanced, healthy meals every day? Perhaps white working class children look around at the situations they live in, and think perhaps this is just their lot in life. We're working class; we're relying on benefits to make ends meet; middle class Britain resents and despises us for it.

Yes, of course there are some parents who need a bit of a shove in the right direction, but I really don't think fines are the way to go. Very few people in this world intentionally hurt their children, intentionally do things that may damage their future prospects. Some parents don't know any better. Some can't read with their children, because they can't read themselves. Surely we would be better off identifying parents who are not helping their children, and providing them with the skills and support to help with this.

In my opinion, we don't need tougher sanctions, fines, punishments; we need more teachers like Mr Drew from Channel 4 TV shows Educating Essex  and Mr Drew's School for Boys. This man, and many like him, work hard at what is more vocation than career to them. I believe people like this, given the right tools and powers, can make infinitely more positive difference to our schools, and to society as a whole, than any arbitrary fine or sanction.

Imagine a situation where a child is not performing well; his parents have not been to the last few parents' evenings, the child is disruptive in class.

You could fine the parents for their child's behaviour and hope they will suddenly start doing whatever was lacking in the child's life in order to create an improvement.

Or you could call up and speak to the parents. Find out why they didn't attend parents' evening; can they perhaps come in for a meeting at a different time? Has something happened at home to cause their child's disruptive behaviour? What can the school do in order to work with the parents, and help the child to achieve his true potential?

Once this has been exhausted, once you've spoken to the child's parents and they've shown a distinct lack of interest in their child's wellbeing... call Social Services! Isn't that why they exist? Yes, you could fine them - but if the parent is really that bad at their job, who do we think that fine will hurt? The parent, or the child?

Nature vs Nurture

S and I went out for the day the other week, with my sister and a friend. While S was happily running around the zoo we were in (more on that in another post) I commented to my friend that I was really lucky with S in that she doesn't often tantrum or get cross about doing things she doesn't want to do. My friend responded that this was down to good parenting.

I've always considered myself very lucky that S wasn't a screamy baby. Being on my own, and feeling decidedly fragile to begin with, I don't think I could have coped well if she'd screamed all day and night. I think she's just naturally quite chilled out and laid back about things, and I'm not sure why that is. On the one hand, she's never been particularly distressed by life - but on the other, I've always kept her close to me and been there when she needed anything.

This week we've been staying at a friend's house to look after her dogs while she's away. It's only up the road, but I was worried for S - she's been sleeping in a different bed, eating at a different table, doing everything differently. I spoke to nursery beforehand and asked them to let me know if she seemed a little unsettled. Their verdict on the first day was "she's been absolutely fine; she always just seems to take these things in her stride!" - just as her move from one room to the next at nursery was no big deal for her, and the rest of us were busy flapping around, watching for the first sign of trouble.

So is S naturally calm, secure and able to cope with change. Was she born that way?

Personally, I am not naturally calm. I do not cope well with change. And of all the words you could use to describe her father, calm and secure are far from that list. 

Is it nurture, then? Something I have done?

I am a fairly insecure person; in the first months of S's life I clung to her more than she clung to me. I carried her around in a sling, at first for convenience and then because the buggy just seemed too far away for her to be. And because she was so close to me, I would talk to her. Constantly, and about everything. As she's grown, she's graduated to walking or riding in the buggy, but the chatter still remains. We talk about what we can see when we're walking along, what we think S might do at nursery today, who she might see there, what we'll have for tea, what toys we'll play with, which stories we want to read. Only last week I was wandering around town happily chattering away to her, only to take a closer look and realise she was fast asleep. It happens a lot.

I remember in the first week or so she was at nursery, she would cry when I dropped her off and I hated it; I knew if we got into a position where the nursery staff had to peel her off me before I could leave, I would end up leaving my job. And so, on the way to nursery in the mornings I would whisper to her in the sling, "I bet you're going to have such a fantastic day today, you're going to do so many fun things..." all the way to nursery.  Perhaps it's the constant chatter that keeps S so perky and relaxed? She always knows exactly what's happening, what's about to happen, where we're going, who we're visiting. She knows what to expect.

That explains some of it.

Nothing can explain this:

I arrived at nursery the other day to collect S; her class were all playing outside as I got there and S was on the see-saw. All of her friends went inside; I went inside to chat about her day and collect her things; she stayed on the see-saw. I came out, the door closed behind me. I told her again it was time to go. She said "see-saw, see-saw, see-saw!"

I walked over to her, crouched down and said "ok sweetheart, I know you want to play on the see-saw but it's time to go. I'm going to count to three, and then we're going to leave." I gritted my teeth, counted to three, and lifted her off the see-saw. 

She smiled, grabbed hold of my hand, and off we toddled out of the nursery and home.

Sometimes, it's like I have a Stepford toddler!

Book Review: The Skeleton Cupboard by Dr Tanya Byron

I was very fortunate to be sent a copy of The Skeleton Cupboard  to review for Mumsnet Book Club. 

This book is strange... It's not fiction, but it's not fact either. It's written in the first person, as the story of Byron's training as a clinical psychologist. Each chapter tells the story of one of her six placements during that training: a GP's office, a hospital referral unit, a children's unit, a drug dependency unit, a geriatric unit, an eating disorder unit. 

In each chapter we see Byron learning on the job and making mistakes as she goes. She has a difficult relationship with the supervisor who will ultimately make the decision as to whether she qualifies, and it's refreshing to see someone in Byron's position openly admitting to feeling lost, often on the back foot, unsure of herself. She trained in the early '90s, and it's reassuring to see that the calm, confident professor we see on TV shows today started out just as unsure of things as anyone else might in her situation.

Byron goes to great lengths to make sure the reader knows that she has broken no professional confidences in this book. Although she has experienced the situations she writes about, the characters are just that: characters. This is really hard to remember, as she has written them perfectly. In many cases it's heartbreaking to think that although the characters are made up, their situations and their pain are probably not; they're probably happening to people all over the place, right now.

Like all great books, this one doesn't just tell a story; it makes you think. What happens when a Holocaust survivor has dementia and is returned to that worst possible time in their lives? What would make a 12 year old girl want to hang herself?

Byron puts a lot of herself into this book; she's not afraid to admit her own lack of experience or knowledge, her own struggles as she trained. As well as meeting the (fictional) people Byron treats, we also see what she's really like: that she agonises over what to wear to a funeral; she goes out to get drunk and dance away her troubles; she ends conversations with her foot in her mouth, just like the rest of us. In the epilogue she talks about the "prevailing and dangerous belief that there are people who are "mad" and people who aren't." I love that she points out that all mental health practitioners are just people, the same as the rest of us; they're not impervious, they don't inhabit some space outside of the stresses and strains of daily life.

Despite being "made up," this is a very honest book. Byron does not always show herself in a glowing light, and I think that makes the book all the more readable. I literally could not put it down and find myself wishing that Byron would write some sort of a sequel.

Note: I was provided with this book in order to review it for Mumsnet, but that was not dependent on my writing a good review. All words and opinions are my own.