Today, I don't want to be a single mother any more. Today, I'm stamping my feet and having a tantrum. I've had enough.
Today, I just want a husband/boyfriend/partner to turn around and go "aw babe, you're knackered, go and take a nap and I'll look after S." Past experience tells me how completely unlikely this is to ever happen though; I had a boyfriend at Christmas and not once did he say this. Even S's father never said it when he was here, and she's his child.
Today I want to tell everyone who complains they're tired to just STFU because they really have no idea.
Today, I want to turn round to all my non-single mother friends and say to them, every single time your partner has held the baby, fed the baby, changed the baby's nappy, taken the baby out, made you a drink, given you a kiss and a hug... Imagine how you would have coped if they had not done that.
Logically, I know that most of my friends are alone with their child for large chunks of time, as their partner works during the day, so they do the bulk of the childcare any way.
Logically, I know that I am just over-tired and will feel better once I get some rest.
Logically, I know that being on our own is the best thing for S and I right now because I could never trust an outsider to come in here and take care of her, and I don't have the time to maintain a relationship.
But I'm just so tired. I can't think straight, I have a permanent headache. There is no proper food in the house because I can't make my brain function for long enough to walk around the supermarket and pick up anything of any use. I don't have the energy to get something for myself once I've fed S. I want to ask for help but realistically, who can I ask? There are very few people I trust with S and even if I did, what I really need is for someone to be here all night looking after a teething baby while I sleep. If there's no chance of her own father ever offering to do such a thing, why would anyone else do it?
Yes, I'm feeling very negative and fed up today. But I feel that I'm entitled to a bit of self pity, under the current circumstances.
huge hugs to you hun, a teething greeting baby is hard work for anybody. I use to wonder how people could batter their children, but having been in the position where I had a cushion and was going to suffocate a 4 week old baby believe me I know how hard parenthood is.
ReplyDeleteMake the effort to go out, the noise echoes less in the outside world, I walked for miles between about 1am and 4 am just so the other half could get some sleep as he had to work, maybe not a safe thing to do but it was all that kept me sane ( if I am) even taking a walk round the block for 10 mins during the day will help. you may not feel like it just ask yourself could you feel any worse time you get back??? the answer will be no and it may just be the break you need.
have you no mother and toddler groups you can go to where you can whinge to other mums in the same boat? make friends with a few of them and invite them round for a play session/coffee/shoulder to lean on?
if you need a gripe feel free and contact me
Oh my goodness...thank you for saying the unsaid. It can be excrutiating balancing the bliss of being a mom with the exaustion it creates doing it alone. Xoxoxo
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