Wednesday, 20 November 2013

A Nasty Email

I was lucky enough to be asked to speak on LBC Radio this morning about absent fathers.

Shortly after I finished speaking, I received this email:

Hi Vicky

I heard you on the radio this morning and it really made me sad.

Your Ex sounds like a real scumbag and I can see that he has hurt you, but you have no idea of the damage you are doing to your daughter, I think it is very selfish of you.

A child needs TWO parents and whilst I understand where you are coming from I think you owe your daughter the chance of a well adjusted happy life, with all of her emotional needs being met and that can't happen with one parent.  You will find out down the road that she will be very insecure with boys in her teen years and later on fail to be able to sustain a normal relationship with a man, then so the cycle will continue for another generation.

Forgive me for saying it but sometime the truth is painful, it seems to me from reading your blog that you have some way to go with regard to your own mental health.

I urge you to put the past behind you and stop using your daughter as some sort of validation, she is a human being and you have been given the privilege of raising her.  So stop celebrating your "single mother" status and put your child FIRST in everything.

Good luck

I'm unsure as to how to respond, or indeed whether to bother. It seems the single mother hatred is alive and well in the UK this morning.


  1. Oh my god. Some people. S IS and will continue to be a happy, healthy, little girl. Every teen has insecurities with members of the opposite sex. Every teen has insecurities with members of the same sex. Its called growing up and finding who you are. Hate dimwitted people who still believe that you need to be in a two parent family to survive. What about children who lose a parent early on cancer? The children who have a parent fighting out in Afghanistan or Iraq who doesn't come home? Are these children going to be tearaway teens too or will they be ok because they had a Daddy at home for some of the time? I HATE people who bang on about two parent families. Whether it is by choice or not, a single parent family is MORE than capable of raising a family. Keep doing what you're doing Vicky, and thank you for sharing your story! x

  2. Personally I would make a response but make it as short as possible. 'Thanks for your email, and whilst I do not agree with your opinions I appreciate you taking the time to write to me.' I don't think responding with any emotion will make one iota of difference and at the end of the day it is your life and they obviously have personal issues of their own which are affecting their opinion. Quite possibly they are the 'child' that missed out on two parents? Good luck :)

  3. You know i read the post from the one who heard you on the radio.... and well I read it again and said to myself. "Seriously?" ...... This person may be using their own bad childhood as a buffer and put it on you. I am not gonna say anything bad about anyone but... If a parent raises their child right.. single or otherwise then there should be no problem. So long as there is love and understanding and structure in the child's life. Having one parent...two parents.... or more doesn't make a difference so long as there is love and understanding and structure as I had said. So please don't let anyone...ANYONE (Yes I can you caps like that last person too hehe) Ever tell you or make you feel bad for any reason for being happy with your life or for being a single parent. So long as you both are happy healthy and safe then it is no one else's business. :) Stay strong and keep moving on!! Call me Soarin.Wonderbolt.9 on facebook. Much love!

  4. wow. if my daughter went anywhere NEAR her "father" she would be 1000000000 times worse off!!!! how absolutely disgusting of this person to tell you how to parent!! hope she has a "parent of the year" award!!!!!!

  5. I get this crap all the time in person. Don't respond as you will never transcend the levels of ignorance.
    Seeing a mother walk away from abuse is the best thing you could possibly have done xxx

  6. The best thing you could do as S's mother is get out of that situation and not have her be around it. People like this annoy me. They should be applauding your strength not dragging you down. Having one good role model and figure in her life will and is making her a clever independant young to make her own opinions on the oppsitite sex. What a pointless hurtful email, x

  7. Hi, I heard part of your interview on LBC this morning and have read the email you received. Like you I am a single Mum although not by choice. My husband walked out on me and my two boys one was two weeks old the other 8 years. For a lot of single mothers out there being single is not a choice it certainly was not mine but I do the best I can. As it is I worry that it is not enough and over compensate for the boys not having a father around and it certainly does not help when someone as ignorant the person who sent you the email comments. I just have to say that despite my misgivings, worries and apprehension I was told by my son's headteacher and his sports coach that he was a gentleman and a pleasure to deal with. I hold my head up and think that one day when the two of them are standing tall at my side successful well mannered and good natured I can proudly hands on my heart say I did that. Be strong you are not alone and don't give the hateful words power to undermine or hurt you.


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