Sunday 31 August 2014

Book Review: In The Light Of What We Know by Zia Haider Rahman



For my 16th birthday, I was given a copy of Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger. It was an amazing book which I loved, but one of those books that makes you feel like you must be terribly uncultured, perhaps a bit dim. I read it with a notebook beside me, making lists of all the things I needed to look up. I have read that book several times now; it has the corners of pages turned down, quotes underlined, all sorts. This was in the days before universal internet access (remember those days, boys and girls?) so I would use the encyclopaedias in the library to try and figure out all of the cultural references. Yes, I really am that much of a geek. 

I have not had that feeling with a book until the lovely people at Picador sent me a copy of In the Light of What We Know to review. It's a massive tome of a debut novel; the size of a house brick, with long chapters filled with references to things I had never heard of. Instead of a notebook next to me, I had my mobile or laptop with Google open!

This book is... hard to explain. It's written from the point of view of one man, of Pakistani origin who has always been very well off. A friend he made at university, Zafar is from Bangladesh and grew up very poor, until his education afforded him well-paid employment. Zafar has been out of touch for some time, but one day arrives at his friend's London home, and they sit down together to talk - for days, weeks, perhaps even months.  This book is presented as a record of their discussions, in which Zafar tells his story, but also veers off on tangents often. As I progressed through the book, I couldn't help thinking, this can't possibly be made up; nobody could make this up! It feels very much like the account of a conversation between two old friends. When I had finished the book, I read the bio on the press release and found that Zia Haider Rahman shares a lot of biographical details with his characters... but then, why wouldn't he? Fiction or not, we write what we know, right?

The novel itself is set during the start of the financial crisis and the Afghanistan war at the beginning of this century - but the stories Zafar tells go back and forth in time. It covers a lot of ground: everything from the formation of Pakistan and the war in Bangladesh, to the origins of the financial crisis, commentary on Western presence in Afghanistan. Along the way there are thousands of asides containing random information and cultural references such as why flags are flown at half mast, the New Colossus - a poem inscribed at the base of the Statue of Liberty, childhood poverty, mental illness, mathematical theory. There are references to writers, to pieces of music, to people and places. Geographically, it goes from London to Princeton to New York to Kabul, Islamabad, Oxford, Sylhet.

With all of this information crammed in, you could be forgiven for thinking it must be something akin to reading an encyclopaedia - but Zia Haider Rahman writes eloquently, weaving a story I was quickly sucked into. I was infuriated the book was too big to fit into my handbag, as I wanted to take it everywhere with me - to read whenever I found myself with a few spare moments. 

I've spent a long time trying to figure out how to explain the story, but even now, a week after I finished reading it, I cannot tell you what it was ultimately about, or what actually happened in it. It's one of those books where nothing happens, but at the same time everything happens. It's a story of friendship, love and betrayal. I think I probably need to read it again in a month or so to pick up all the parts of the story I missed the first time around.

Like all great books, there is that moment where the reader stops and thinks, No! I did not see that coming! The expert way the book is written means that this, along with many other parts of the story, is not explicitly discussed, but rather skirted around, alluded to - the author assumes you can grasp what he's talking about, without his having to go into detail. And because the story is so far-reaching and covers so much ground, that particular part of it is not really so much of a twist - about as far as one can get from the usual "it was her brother all along" type of plot twist. 

I love to read a book where I feel like I'm learning something. I studied history for GCSE and A Level and even began a degree in history, but our education system focuses so much on Europe that I must admit I had little clue as to the formation of East and West Pakistan, Bangladeshi independence, or the bloody war that ensued. With this book, I felt that I learned something almost on every page. Perhaps I am just terribly uneducated, but I loved finding out all of these random things. Because it's a novel, it's entirely possible everything has been made up though, so Google was used a lot to check - did that really happen? Did that person really say/do that?

One thing I found difficult about this book was that there are very few speech marks. When Zafar is telling his story, he's often interrupted by the narrator with nothing but a line break to tell you a different person is speaking. Conversations within Zafar's story also lack speech marks, and in both instances I often found myself confused as to who had said what. I really think that is the only criticism I can conjure up for this book though.

This is a beautiful, epic book. It is fantastically well written Like all great books, it leaves you wanting more. Despite being so long and packed with information, there are whole areas of the characters that have been barely touched upon - for example the time Zafar spent in Bangladesh as a teen, or the things he found out about his Bangladeshi family after the fact (sorry for being so vague; don't want to let any details slip!) To me these warranted more detail and I find myself intrigued as to that side of the story.

Unlike some of the books I have reviewed recently, this is not a quick, easy Summer read. This is a Winters evening with a blanket and several mugs of hot chocolate kind of a book. Oh, and Google. You'll need Google.

Note: I was provided with this book for the purpose of a review, but all words and opinions are my own.


MamaMummyMum

My Sunday Photo 2014-08-31


Bouncy bouncy
Oh such a good time!


OneDad3Girls

Friday 29 August 2014

Can You Boil an Egg?




British Lion Eggs sent us an electronic egg boiler so that we could test out some recipes. Do you know how many calories are in an egg? Possibly not as many as you think.. I can't boil an egg - hard or soft - for toffee, so I was excited to try this baby out!

Turns out, it's a genius invention. There's a dial with pictures on it to show how hard or soft you want your eggs boiled, so you just pop the eggs in, fill it with water using a handy measuring cup provided and off you go! The measuring cup also has a pin on the bottom with which to pierce a hole in your eggs, so that they don't crack while they're cooking. Love it!

S is not a massive fan of boiled eggs, but I like to hard boil them and hide them in meals that involve sauce. I think that started with what is apparently a weird family tradition of putting hard boiled egg in curry. Mmm, chicken curry with hard boiled eggs! Yum!

Seeing as I am giving up sugar for September, I like the idea of using this egg boiler to hard boil a stash of eggs to keep in my fridge for snack-type emergencies! 

I know a lot of people tend to eschew the humble egg, and many will eat only egg whites because the yolk is apparently where all the fat is... but who doesn't love a gorgeous, runny yolk in an egg? And did you know that the yolk of an egg contains all the enzymes we need to digest it properly? 

Right, my eggs are cooked - I'm off to cut myself some soldiers!

Weekend Blog Hop 2014-08-30



Happy Weekend!!!

If you're reading this on Saturday, don't forget it's #ArchiveDay on Twitter!
Tweet an old post and find loads of hidden gems to read.

Don't forget we've set up a Twitter account for the Blog Hop.
Do please go and follow @WeekendBlogHop. We will use the account to RT your links.
We have also added a Twitter linky this week; if you add your Twitter handle we will ensure the @WeekendBlogHop account follows you.

We're doing an Instagram Linky again this week. Do please ensure you follow both of your hosts.


And now, on with the shenanigans.
This week's bloggers showcase is this post from Multicrafting Mummy. I love the idea for the picture; it's one I will definitely be trying out with S!


My Life As A Mummy

Note: The above badge is for the Bloggers' Showcase only. If you would like the Weekend Blog Hop Badge, you can find it at the bottom of this post.

Now for the #WeekendBlogHop

The rules are simple:
  • Link up your BLOG. Please do not link up individual posts! 
  • Comment on the most recent post of the two blogs ahead of you in the linky. If you have already commented on that post, pick the post published before that. 
  • You can comment on more if you like!
  • If you tweet your blog using #WeekendBlogHop and tag @mylifeasamummyx and @singlemahoy we will RT as many as possible.
  • Please follow at least the two people ahead of you in the Instagram linky.
Link up your BLOG here:


And link up your INSTAGRAM here:


As an added bonus, link up your Twitter here, and we will be sure to have the @WeekendBlogHop Twitter account follow you:




Have a great weekend!

My Life As A Mummy

Why I Don't Use the Naughty Step... or time out, or other punishments.



First, allow me to preface this post by saying that I do not care how you choose to parent your child. I am a single working mother, and frankly do not have time to judge you for your actions. This post is merely about my thoughts on a popular parenting technique.

The naughty step and other forms of "time out" seem to have become increasingly popular in recent years, with TV shows like Supernanny seeming to increase the popularity of this approach.

I understand why this method is popular - the parent gets a break, the child has to calm down, whatever heightened emotions were there before have a chance to dissipate... but I don't think it's the right way to resolve a problem.

Toddlers are going through massive changes within themselves, learning hundreds of new things every day; their brains are expanding at an amazing rate, and this is a lot for them to cope with. Alongside this, they often don't have the ability to communicate what's wrong with them. They don't shout and scream over nothing; they do it because they are having big emotions they're not capable of containing or dealing with.

In her book ToddlerCalm, parenting author Sarah Ockwell-Smith likens toddlers' brains to bungalows: a single storey building with enough rooms to function - kitchen, bathroom, bedroom etc - but no spare space. As we grow into adults, we develop a "first floor" above our bungalows, allowing space for things like contemplation, calmness and relaxation. Say you're cooking something, and you're about as good a cook as me, so you burn it. The smoke will be stifling in an enclosed space. A toddler's emotions are like smoke in their bungalow - there's not much space for them to disperse, so they have to open a metaphorical window and release some of that smoke/emotion. They're not deliberately being difficult, no matter how inconvenient or irritating the timing of their outburst. I've probably not explained that terribly well, and Ockwell-Smith definitely makes things a lot more clear in her explanation. To me, when S is on the floor and wailing about something, that's not behaviour to be punished but rather behaviour to be understood. If I put her on the naughty step or in time out when she's crying, what am I saying to her? I believe that by punishing such behaviour I am sending a message along the lines of "your feelings are not important; I don't care if you're having a hard time; my love and compassion for you are dependent on your being happy and quiet."

Furthermore, research tends to show that punishments such as this work only in the short term; parent and child calm down, whatever the problem was is resolved by the removal of the child. Long term though, these punishments do not teach a child right from wrong, or the reason why they shouldn't do something. A child sent into timeout is not likely to spend their time there thinking about what they've done and why they shouldn't do it again; they're more likely to spend their time thinking "I feel rubbish and now I'm sitting here alone!" They learn a Pavlovian, behaviourist response: if I do this, I get put in timeout. It's simple cause and effect, rather than genuinely resolving the reasons for whatever behaviour got them put there.

Parenting author Alfie Kohn has stated that both spanking and time outs are punitive measures, and the only difference between them is whether we punish the child by physical or emotional means. He goes on to say:
If we were forced to choose one over the other, then, sure, time-outs are preferable to spankings.  For that matter, spanking kids is preferable to shooting them, but that’s not much of an argument for spanking.
The use of time out (where the child is removed from contact with the parent or carer) with children under three years is inappropriate. The use of time out with children over three years needs to be carefully considered in relation to the individual child's experience and needs.
They go  on to say that the use of time out teaches children to use separation as a way to deal with a problem rather than teaching them constructive ways to resolve issues.

The distinction between children above and below the age of three years is important: below the age of three years, a child's brain is not even capable of understanding consequence. The neocortex, the part of the brain responsible for critical and rational thought, does not begin to develop properly until around 3 or 4. Social development like empathy and self awareness do not develop until a child is around school age. When you sit a toddler on a naughty step, it's about the same as tapping a puppy on the nose when it tries to bite you. You don't teach the puppy, "wow, I might hurt my master if I bite him" - you teach him "if I bite, I get a tap on the nose."

Aletha Solter, PhD, is a developmental psychologist and has written a fantastic article entitled The Disadvantages of Time Out. In it, she says:
Beneath the surface, time-out is an authoritarian approach and, as such, can work only among children trained to comply with the power and authority of adults.
To me, the difference between using the naughty step or not, is down to a choice between long term and short term parenting. Short term, yes, you want your child to not do whatever it was they were doing - and the naughty step can work for that. Long term though, parenting isn't about what the child is doing right now but what we want them to be doing in five, ten, twenty years from now. We want to teach them right from wrong, and we want them to become happy, well-functioning individuals. I do not believe that time out and the naughty step are the right way to achieve those things.

For more on this sort of thing, please read this guest post by Jane Evans, a parenting specialist.

Thursday 28 August 2014

Are We Nearly There Yet?



I wrote a post earlier this week about days out as a single parent. Often the most testing part of a day out is the journey there. On the way back, they're usually (hopefully) too tired out to require much entertainment; S usually zonks out for a nap on our way home from anywhere. The journey there though... that can be difficult!

Here are some top tips for making travelling with children a little easier:


  • Be prepared! Don't just embark on a 5-hour car or bus journey without anything with which to entertain your child! Books, games, a portable dvd player, teddies, dollies, whatever you can think of that normally entertains your child. It's a great idea to find an old favourite at the bottom of the toy box they've not played with for a little while; the novelty might see you through!
  • Point out anything and everything out of the window. "oh look, some cows!" "oh look, a lorry!" "oh look, some hay in a field!" If it's a journey you know well, you can even do "look out the window; we're going to go past the horses in a minute!"
  • Use public transport - if you don't need to drive, consider taking the bus or train - kids love the novelty of a different mode of transport and a train ride can mean much more to see out of the window!
  • If you're not in a rush to get to where you're going, consider stopping somewhere for a break. Kids love to explore; if there's something even vaguely interesting on the way from A to B, stop and have a look around. Many kids can even get a little excited over exploring a motorway service station (especially if it has a bridge over the road) - though this might prove a little expensive for you.
  • Give them a camera! S has a great toddler-proof camera (trust me, we've tested it to the extreme) and it's great for occupying her. She'll either take photos of herself or me, or play games with the features on it. It's a great thing for them to have once you get to where you're going too!
  • If you're that way inclined, you can download some child-friendly apps to your mobile or tablet, and save that for when the "are we nearly there yet"s get really bad.
  • Of course, the old faithful: Ten Green Bottles!
This post was written in association with Parkdean Holidays, who made this funky video about their recent travel survey:



Wednesday 27 August 2014

Tuesday 26 August 2014

Home Tech for Seniors & Caregivers


Tech For Seniors
Infographic from HomeAccessProducts.com

As the population continues to age (by 2030, nearly 20% of Americans will be over 65 years old), technology has begun to play a more crucial role in helping seniors age comfortably at home- and seniors themselves are getting more comfortable with technology. For example, 79% of seniors believe that a personal alert system is a key home feature later in life, and six in ten seniors report using the Internet, while 77% of seniors own a cell phone.
Technology has evolved to help seniors stay safe and connected while also assisting them with entertainment, health/wellness, communication, and assistance. Some of these useful technologies are free, such as the Skype App for iPad that allows users to make video or voice calls, or the Tek Partner Universal Remote Control, a large remote with easy-to-read buttons.
For a low price, seniors and their caregivers may also purchase the 5Star Medical Device Alert and Splash, which connects users with an agent in case of an emergency. A Jitterbug Cell Phone allows visually-impaired seniors to easily make phone calls, and the TabSafe medication dispenser, which is often covered by insurance, also monitors use of medication, alerting caregivers if the medication is refused or not taken.
If your family lives far from your aging senior and sometimes has difficulty communicating, you can use the BeClose’s wireless sensors to detect activity and send you an alert if there’s not any movement. A similar product, the MobileHelp, uses a mobile, GPS-connected emergency button to give location information to an agent if the user is unable to communicate. To make staying in touch easy, the Telikin is a senior-friendly computer system with pre-installed communication software. Apple’s iPad is also capable of holding many communication, entertainment, and assistance applications, making it a versatile choice for senior home tech.
No matter how tech-savvy your senior is, there is a technology that will help your senior age in place comfortably, while also giving you peace of mind that your loved one is safe.

Sugar Free September? I Must Be Mad!



My name is Vicky, and I am an addict.

I am addicted to sugar.

When I was about 11, I can remember sneaking into the kitchen to mix margarine and sugar and quickly gobble it down before anyone caught me. On Sunday mornings my mum would go out with my younger brothers and sisters, and I would make chocolate cornflake cake mix for breakfast: sugar, syrup, butter and cocoa melted in a pan, poured over the minimal amount of cornflakes.

For Christmas in 2004, I was given two copies of the same book. I returned one to the shop for a credit and, at New Year when I'd just split up with a boyfriend and felt the need to reinvent myself, I picked up The Sugar Addicts' Diet by Nicki Waterman and read the back cover; it was like she was describing me. I bought it with my voucher, and began reading.

Waterman was a TV fitness expert, always bouncing about in lycra and showing housewives how to burn off those love handles on daytime TV. At the beginning of this book, she tells how even though she was known for being fit and healthy, she suffered with horrible sugar cravings to which she often succumbed. I remember one particular section where she spoke of eating bags of pick n mix. Despite being slim and fit, she had a layer of fat from all the sugar she was eating, and she knew she had to do something. So she'd devised this diet, and kicked the sugar habit, and now she was sharing it in this book.

I was convinced; a lot of what she said about her sugar cravings sounded exactly like me. I would eat crap for breakfast, sugar and crisps throughout the morning, and then more crap for lunch, followed by an afternoon of crap, and an evening of foraging in the kitchen for more crap. I drank loads of Coca Cola, and I was overweight. 

I remember going through the cupboard, and rounding up all the chocolate and sweets I'd been given for Christmas, hiding them in a carrier bag at the back of my wardrobe. Then I went shopping, and began the diet. I remember making porridge for breakfast, much to my housemates' confusion, and eating peanut butter on brown toast before bed each night. After the initial headaches of withdrawal, I started to feel pretty good. The food I was eating was pretty ordinary; I didn't need to hunt down any weird and wonderful ingredients, and I don't recall it being too much of a chore to prepare the meals. But I only lasted a few weeks at it, before I went right back to what I'd been doing before.

Since then, I've periodically given up drinking Coca Cola for Lent, or gone on bonkers healthy eating kicks which have involved cutting out all sorts of everything and only eating the sort of weird, expensive foods you can't even find in the local health food shop. Once I stopped eating all dairy except goats' milk, even though I hated the taste of goats' milk and it repeated on me all day. At one point a couple of years ago, I was going to the gym as many as 9 or 10 times a week but I was still eating an awful lot of junk.

A few months ago, I bought a copy of Sarah Wilson's book, I Quit Sugar. I looked through it and thought:
oh, that sounds like something I should do... but it's a big step. I'll wait until I feel ready to do it.
And of course, the book sat about on the book shelf, and every now and then I would get it out and think, ooh, that recipe looks pretty easy actually... and then do  absolutely nothing about it.

Ten weeks ago, I began the Thinking Slimmer programme. Every night when I go to bed, I listen to a short MP3 of a man talking. I can't even tell you what he says; I usually fall asleep. It has had a weird effect on me - I don't feel like I'm making an effort to lose weight, but without thinking about it I'm exercising more and eating less junk. I've not suddenly dropped 10 stone overnight in some bonkers sensational magazine diet that involves eating only left-handed chickens and organic Mongolian soil; it's coming off very gradually, the same way it went on.

The weirdest part came a couple of weeks ago, though.

I picked up the I Quit Sugar book again, and began actually reading the recipes. Then I did a bit of shopping, and then I just started making some of the dishes. Before, it had always seemed like a bit too much fuss to make these meals; I couldn't be bothered to hunt in the cupboard for this or that, and I didn't want to add something-or-other onto my weekly shopping list.

In the last week or so I have gone from thinking oh, I might make that green smoothie for breakfast to making my own cream cheese, making sugar-free chocolate spread, sprouting my own chickpeas and activating nuts. I've made soups and coconut butter and chicken stock and stuffed my freezer with all sorts of things. And then I went onto the I Quit Sugar website, and signed up for Sugar Free September

At the moment, I'm still drinking Coke, and I'm still eating some of the junk I lived off before; but not as much. My meals are a whole lot healthier, and I'm not spending every evening rummaging about in the kitchen for any scrap of hidden chocolate I may have missed the last five times I looked. My plan is to gradually cut down my sugar intake before the 1st of September. That is one of the scariest sentences I have ever written. On the one hand, the idea of giving up sugar terrifies me... but also, it's kind of not such a big deal any more. It feels like it's just sort of time to do it. Watch this space...

Monday 25 August 2014

Days Out When You're A Single Parent



S has been on holidays from nursery, which means two weeks stuck at home with Mummy.

Neither of us has been enthralled by this prospect, if I'm honest. Being self employed means I can't really take two weeks off so most of S's nap times and my evenings are spent catching up on the work that can't wait until S returns to nursery after the Bank Holiday weekend.

I don't drive, so as much as S loves the bus, days out pose a bit of a predicament. We have been on a couple of outings, though; these are some of the difficulties one faces as a lone parent with a toddler:

The biggie: buggy or no buggy?
  • If I take the buggy, there is no real luggage rack on the new buses so it has to be parked in a wheelchair space - meaning S is left staring at the side of the bus for the entire journey. If I don't take the buggy, we can go and sit on the top deck and have great fun pointing out cows, horses, sheep and straw!
  • If I take the buggy, it is in the way for about 90% of our day. S likes to walk everywhere, and if we go somewhere like the Oceanarium (as we planned to last week), it's not accessible with a buggy and you have to find somewhere to park it - and then go back in and retrieve it when you're done. Neither is ideal when you have an over-excited toddler who doesn't want to get in the buggy, doesn't want to leave the fishies behind, wants to play with everything in the gift shop. And then you come out of the Oceanarium, and she wants to run and play in the sand - while I try and gamely drag the buggy along behind us! 
  • If I don't take the buggy, we have to be back on the bus home by around 1pm so that S can have a nap - especially if she's been walking around all morning, she needs a nap!
  • If I don't take the buggy, when S's legs get tired or she's fed up, I have to pick her up and carry her - which doesn't work well when one is sporting an umbilical hernia/bad back combo. Similarly, if she's having a bit of a meltdown, I can't let her sit in the buggy and calm down while we keep walking for the bus (or whatever else) - we have to stop and sit down somewhere. And miss the bus.
Eating out:
  • Do you go somewhere with table service & hope they're the sort of place that welcomes toddlers throwing their fish fingers all over the place?
  • Alternative to table service: you go to the counter and order food & drinks. They give you cutlery, drinks (usually in glasses filled to the brim) and all sorts of stuff that you then have to get to your table, along with a toddler. This one is tricky with or without a buggy.
  • Alternative: you get the toddler settled at a table, and chance leaving them for a few minutes (longer if there's a queue) to order the food/drinks. Toddlers don't sit still, and in my experience you have only a 2-week interval in the development of a child where they can be left in a restaurant high chair without either sliding out of the bottom of it, or tipping it over in attempt to escape. But if you leave them loose in a normal chair... we all know how that ends.
Toilets & nappies:
  • You are out on your own with a toddler, and you need a wee. If the toddler is in a buggy, you have no choice but to try and find a disabled toiled that doesn't require a radar key (those ones are usually all shades of awful) or you leave your child unattended outside of a normal cubicle door.
  • If the toddler is not in a buggy, it's easier in that you can bring them into the cubicle with you... but less easy in that you spend the entire time saying "no, don't touch that... please don't sit down... please leave the door locked... please wait until Mummy has pulled her knickers up..." all the while with a running commentary which yesterday sounded a lot like, "it's loud, Mummy! Mummy do a wee wee it's loud! S do wee wee too..." as she tries to pull her trousers and nappy down.
  • When it comes to nappy changing, it can be pretty hard to find a nappy changing facility without a queue outside, especially in a touristy place on a nice day. Let's just leave that one there, shall we!

Friday 22 August 2014

Weekend Blog Hop 2014-08-23



Happy Weekend!!!

First up, a little plug; S is on holidays from nursery, and I'm a bit lost as to what to do with her. If you have blog posts about fun things to do with toddlers, do please come and add them to my linky; I need some inspiration (and I'm hoping I'm not the only one)!


Single Mother Ahoy


Don't forget we've set up a Twitter account for the Blog Hop.
Do please go and follow @WeekendBlogHop. We will use the account to RT your links.

We're doing an Instagram Link-up again this week. Do please ensure you follow both of your hosts.


And now, on with the shenanigans.
This week's Bloggers' Showcase is this post from Capturing Sunshine. I love the beautiful photography but also the question it raises: what makes you happy?



My Life As A Mummy

Note: The above badge is for the Bloggers' Showcase only. If you would like the Weekend Blog Hop Badge, you can find it at the bottom of this post.

Now for the #WeekendBlogHop

The rules are simple:
  • Link up your BLOG. Please do not link up individual posts! 
  • Comment on the most recent post of the two blogs ahead of you in the linky. If you have already commented on that post, pick the post published before that. 
  • You can comment on more if you like!
  • If you tweet your blog using #WeekendBlogHop and tag @mylifeasamummyx and @singlemahoy we will RT as many as possible.
  • Please follow at least the two people ahead of you in the Instagram linky.
Link up your BLOG here:


Link up your INSTAGRAM here:


Happy Weekend!

Thursday 21 August 2014

Review: The One Plus One by Jojo Moyes


I was really pleased to be chosen by Mumsnet Book Club to review The One Plus One  by Jojo Moyes. When it arrived in the post, and I realised how big it was, my heart sank a little. I'd just finished reading a massive brick of a book that had taken me a month to get through, and had been looking forward to something a little lighter.

Imagine my surprise then, when despite its size, I finished this book within a couple of days! 

The One Plus One is a story about a single mother called Jess. Her husband has had "a breakdown" and disappeared off to his mother's house at the other end of the country, and she works as a cleaner at the posh holiday homes on the other side of town. 

Then there's Ed. He's a geek whose software company has grown sufficiently that he and his friend can float it on the stock exchange and live the life of luxury. Then things go a bit wrong for him, and he ends up spending a lot more time at his holiday home at the coast. Guess who his cleaner is...

The book is written from four perspectives: Ed, Jess, and each of Jess's children, Nicky and Tanzie. To me, it's a story about people who don't fit in: Jess is a cleaner surrounded by rich people; Nicky is bullied by the kids at school for not fitting in; Tanzie is some sort of maths prodigy who loves to wear the clothes her mother has made for her. Ed was a massive geek at uni who nobody spoke to. 

This book probably falls into that ridiculous "chick lit" genre. It's not high-brow, and you're not likely to learn much or have any life-changing philosophical discussions off the back  of it. Then again, not all books need to be that way, do they? It's well written and the story weaves fantastically; you start off thinking, oh right, cleaner meets rich bloke whilst cleaning his loo as if it's entirely predictable - but actually, that's not how it goes at all. The story is something entirely unpredictable, from beginning to end. 

I loved this book; parts of it made me laugh out loud, and parts made me get a bit teary-eyed. It was so easy to read and a real page turner. Being an easy read, although the story was engrossing, it didn't require a lot of concentration. There were only four main characters so you didn't have to keep trying to remember who someone was referring to, or some long back story that explained the current situation. Because it was so unpredictable, I found that I kept saying to myself "just one more chapter" to find out what happened next - and have spent a lot of time reading! I can definitely see why this was a number one bestseller.

I've never read a book by Jojo Moyes before, though she is apparently very popular as an author - and I can see why. According to her Wikipedia entry, she's one of very few authors to have twice won the Romantic Novel of the Year Award. I have to say, this is not a book I would ordinarily have picked up off the shelf in my local book shop. That said, now I've read it I may well go and hunt down a few more of her books! 

Note: I was provided with a copy of this book free of charge in exchange for a review. All words and opinions are my own.
MamaMummyMum

Tuesday 19 August 2014

20 Years of Online Dating

This year, internet dating is officially 20 years old.  The first online dating service was a very simple affair, matching people based on profiles of likes and dislikes. It seems simple now, but at the time it was a revelation.

For many years, internet dating struggled to shake off its image of being only for geeks. Then in 2000, the first dating services were launched that used a computer program to suggest the most compatible matches. Today, internet dating has become much more mainstream, with over 40% of people having tried online dating.

Recent technological advancements have created an online dating scene in which participants can meet people from the comfort of their own homes, talk face-to-face in real time using phones, tablets and other mobile devices. Apps like Tinder are also revolutionising the way people meet online.

But what about the future? Where will online dating be in another ten years? Holographic meetings? Virtual cafes? What's next?


To celebrate twenty years of online dating, the folks at Strictly Dating are launching a campaign for all the single bloggers out there.

Using the hashtag #20yearsdating, they want to know about bloggers' experiences dating. They would like single bloggers to go on a paid for date, and then tell everyone all about your experience - the good, the bad and the ugly!

If you would like to go on a free date in exchange for writing a warts-and-all blog post about it, get in touch with Strictly Dating

Monday 18 August 2014

"Ice Cream" Dough


S is on Summer Holidays from nursery at the moment, and we're both a bit poorly - so we've been doing some activities at home. We've made lots of different doughs before using cornflour and different liquids. This time, I used baby lotion.

I have a cupboard upstairs full of baby products; I bought loads when I was pregnant, and was given even more when S was born. But since I don't even wash her hair, they have mostly stayed in the cupboard. And really, I never worked out what one is supposed to do with baby lotion any way. So I made use of it!

The dough was pretty easy to make. I called it "ice cream" dough because I put it in the ice cream bowls we bought from Poundland the other day. There are probably about a million blog posts out there with other recipes for ice cream dough!

Since there were four bowls, I made it in four colours. The pink didn't come out very pink... because I ran out of pink colouring, and it turns out even if you only use a little bit of red... it's still red!

I made the four doughs with slightly different consistencies; some were more fluid than others. Of course, because it's cornflour, it has that amazing property of shifting between solid and almost-liquid.


I made the dough while S was having a nap, and then placed it on the activity table until she woke up.


She was pretty excited when she woke up and found it out waiting for her! At first she wasn't sure what to do with it, but we soon had great fun making loads of mess with it.


Because it was so thick, it ran off the spoons like honey and left trails all over the table.


We gathered some of it up into lumps to play with.


It was fun to stretch it out and see what happened.


S had great fun playing with this dough and although bits of it ended up all over the floor, it was fairly easy to clean up. Eventually the baby lotion dissolves into your hands and you're left with powder that's easy to wash off your hands too. 

It would probably be a bit of an expensive dough to make if you didn't have baby lotion just hanging about the house waiting to be used up; what I love about cornflour though, is that you can mix just about anything up with it to create a fabulous dough for playing with!




Sunday 17 August 2014

Friday 15 August 2014

O Captain! My Captain!

When I woke up on Tuesday morning and read of Robin Williams' death, I cried. 

My earliest memories are of finishing nursery at lunch time and coming home to watch Mork and Mindy on TV. I thought they lived on a Boulder in Colorado, and was worried they might fall off. I remember running around the house saying shazbot and nanu nanu and my mum having no clue what I was on about. I remember being really excited when my cousin gave me some rainbow braces because then I could be just like Mork!

Whenever a celebrity dies, there is a lot of media attention. Column inches are devoted to their obituaries, to speculation about the cause of death, to interviews with people who barely knew them. When Princess Diana died, it seemed like half the world was in mourning and talking about how she had somehow touched their lives; London was practically paved with flowers.

When it's a young star and drugs are implicated, everyone talks about what a waste it is, how they were such a bright shining talent whose greatest achievement was yet to come; they were taken too soon, blah blah. If they have died in an accident, we tend to get more of the same. If they die of a "real" disease then there is a lot of talk about new treatments, possible cures, how other people are living/coping with the disease.

Robin Williams seems to have divided opinions somewhat, though. I've seen some people saying we shouldn't be reporting his death as suicide but rather that he died from depression. Other people have said it was his decision to die.

I have to say, I'm not sure I know which side of that argument I agree with. Even having suffered somewhat badly with depression myself, and having been so horribly close to suicide more than once, I still find it hard to understand. I still want to tell people to just pick themselves up and get on with it. More than once I have wanted to give someone with depression a big old slap and say "nobody's going to get through this on your behalf, so get the fuck up!"

On the other hand though, I understand. I know that depression is like an evil, stinking bog monster that sits on your shoulder and offers proof and reasoning as to why the whole world would be better off if you were dead. Although many see suicide as the selfish option, I think the majority of people who kill themselves do so because they genuinely believe their friends and family would be better off without them. At the depths of my depression, people used to say to me "but wouldn't your family be devastated if you killed yourself?" and my response - the response of the bog monster - was always yes, they would - but they would grieve and then get over it, rather than spend the next 40 years having to try and hold me up as I drag myself through this life. I felt myself unable to cope with life, and a burden on those who tried to help me do so. I spent huge amounts of time having impassioned conversations with people, explaining that people with mental illness should have just as much right as anyone with a physical disease, to go to a clinic in Switzerland and end it all. I genuinely believed that someone who has suffered for years with mental illness should have the right to assisted suicide. 

The man who wrote the blog post about it having been Williams' decision to die has received a lot of negative comments, and even more trolling, for his opinion. But realistically, I think he's probably right. I think I agree with him. The thing with depression is that it's not just a chemical imbalance, and you're very lucky if your depression is "cured" just by some pills to iron that bit out. My personal experience was that the pills just made me able to cope with things like having a shower, getting dressed, putting on a front. They made it easier to pretend I was ok; they didn't make me actually ok. And the CBT I was offered on the NHS was no massive help either; I remember telling my GP, great, I can write a plan for doing the washing up, but I still want to fling the dishes on the floor and roll around in the sharp edges - they'll just be clean when I do. The actual being ok didn't start until I began to argue with that bloody stinking bog monster. And I don't think that was the pills; I think that was me.

There came a point in my depression where I thought to myself, if you're going to kill yourself, get on and do it. And if you're not, then get on and live your life. I felt like I had been living in limbo for months, waiting to see whether I had the nerve to kill myself, weighing up the pros and cons of staying alive. If I stay alive, I'll see that new movie that's due out next week. If I die I won't have to go to that big gathering of people I'm supposed to like at the weekend. I had these conversations in my head constantly, for months. 

Robin Williams' death petrifies me. He was rich and famous; he probably didn't have money worries or worries about being lonely or unpopular or that he wasn't loved; the whole world loved him. But I know that all of that counts for nothing at 3am, when that horrible, stinking bog monster is whispering in your ear.

To see that someone with seemingly no possible worries could still succumb to that stinking bog monster makes my position seem that much more precarious. My mental health is still very much a daily effort. I don't have internal conversations about suicide any longer - because I can't afford to ever let it get to that point again. I have S now, and am very conscious that I am the only parent she has. Therefore I am hyper aware of the first signs I might be heading in the wrong direction, and I try to do something about that.

I remember when I was an angsty teenager, reading a quote by someone (I think it was Ian Curtis' wife): how bad must one's life be, that death seems like the preferable option? To me, hearing of anyone's suicide is horrible. I have felt that pain; I know what it's like to feel that you are genuinely alone, that the world really would be better off without you. 

I think the thing with depression is that it chips and chips and chips away not just at your ability to stand, but at your desire to stand. and it's that desire to stand back up that you need, in order to survive. I have no idea where I found the strength to stand up, and I know there is no guarantee I will find it again next time. I cry for Robin Williams because he made it to 63 before he gave up. There but for the grace of God, go I.

Weekend Blog Hop 2014-08-16



The weekend is finally here!!

First up, a little plug; we're in the middle of 2 weeks' holiday from nursery, and I'm a bit lost as to what to do with S. If you have blog posts about fun things to do with toddlers, do please come and add them to my linky; I need some inspiration (and I'm hoping I'm not the only one)!


Single Mother Ahoy


Don't forget we've set up a Twitter account for the Blog Hop.
Do please go and follow @WeekendBlogHop. We will use the account to RT your links.

We're doing an Instagram Link-up again this week. Do please ensure you follow both of your hosts.


And now, on with the shenanigans.
This week's Bloggers' Showcase is this post from Life with Pink Princesses.
I like it because it's one of those thing that we all could do with thinking about. I think it would do us all well to think about why we started our blogs from time to time - a sort of way of ensuring we stay true to our purpose, if you see what I mean.


My Life As A Mummy

Note: The above badge is for the Bloggers' Showcase only. If you would like the Weekend Blog Hop Badge, you can find it at the bottom of this post.

Now for the #WeekendBlogHop

The rules are simple:
  • Link up your BLOG. Please do not link up individual posts! 
  • Comment on the most recent post of the two blogs ahead of you in the linky. If you have already commented on that post, pick the post published before that. 
  • You can comment on more if you like!
  • If you tweet your blog using #WeekendBlogHop and tag @mylifeasamummyx and @singlemahoy we will RT as many as possible.
  • Please follow at least the two people ahead of you in the Instagram linky.
Link up your BLOG here:


Link up your INSTAGRAM here:


Have a great weekend!
Oh, and don't forget #ArchiveDay for all your old posts on Saturday!

Thursday 14 August 2014

Review: Aveeno


The lovely people at Aveeno sent S and I a couple of their products to try out.

This was super exciting for me, because I've seen how awesome Aveeno is.

When I was pregnant, I had the mother of all nasty rashes on my sides and belly.  Here's a photo of me two days before S was born:

It was so bad that people (midwives etc) were commenting on it during my labour, and took a good few weeks to die down after she was born.

It wasn't just horrible to look at though; it itched like absolute... itchiness. I went back and forth to the doctor, with all manner of lotions and potions - but none of them worked. I slathered myself in this gloop every morning, and during my last weeks at work I was sneaking off to the toilets to put some more on and hopefully alleviate the itching. It was driving me up the wall - and then, once I'd gone round the bend and come back again, a friend asked me, "have you tried porridge?"

Porridge?

What?

My friend told me she'd had a similar complaint when she was pregnant, and her midwife had suggested putting some porridge into a flannel and fastening the corners like a tea bag, then putting it under the running water when running a bath. I thought she was bonkers, but was willing to give anything a go. It worked, and I ended up buying porridge and flannels specifically for this - but cleaning up afterwards was horrendous - imagine cold, gloopy porridge in a flannel. Sticky, nasty, gooey. It got everywhere.

My friend later asked me, "have you heard of Aveeno? It's made from porridge!"

It's not made from porridge as such; it's made with "colloidal oatmeal" and is suitable for dry and sensitive skin as well as those prone to eczema. I found out about Aveeno too late for it to be of use during my pregnancy, but since I know how amazing porridge can be for itchy skin, I was keen to try it for the dry skin I tend to get quite often. 

S also gets dry skin from time to time, and in the last two years we've gone through an entire medicine cabinet of lotions and potions in attempt to relieve it. Aveeno is now a part of our daily routine: at bed time, I rub a little Aveeno into her left leg, and sing Baa Baa Black Sheep. Then her right leg, and more Baa Baa Black Sheep.  Then her left arm, and... well, you get the idea. There's a lot of singing, and a lot of Aveeno. It helps keep both of our dry skin at bay.

What I really like about Aveeno though, is that it's not scented or full of a load of rubbish. A lot of skincare products - even for babies - are scented and have all manner of added ingredients but Aveeno seems a lot more natural. It's very rich, so a little goes a long way and it lasts ages.

Note: We were sent some Aveeno but that was not dependent on my writing a favourable review. All words and opinions are my own.

Wednesday 13 August 2014

Wordless Wednesday 2014-08-13



We stayed with a friend over the weekend, and she took this photo of S in the bath.

Monday 11 August 2014

Book Review: I Quit Sugar



I've been interested in the concept of giving up sugar for years... ten years, to be precise. I know that I have a real issue with the amount of sugar in my diet; I know I need to do something about that, sooner rather than later.

I follow Sarah Wilson on Instagram and through her found the I Quit Sugar account. After a while of seeing these tasty, sugar-free meals on my timeline I decided to buy the book.

Sarah Wilson is Australian; she used to have some medical issues, a thyroid problem and what have you. She gave up eating sugar as a New-Year experiment four years ago, and has gone from strength to strength. In fact, you might have seen her recently in the UK press; she's done a lot of interviews in food magazines about this crazy idea of giving up sugar. She eats around 6-8 teaspoons of sugar per day now - the equivalent of a couple of pieces of fruit or a can of fizzy drink.

This book is an 8-week plan for quitting sugar, as well as a recipe book. What I like about it is that it's something Wilson figured out for herself, through trial and error and through actually giving up sugar herself. The eight week plan doesn't just expect that you should give up all sugar on day one - a surefire way to guarantee failure. Instead, it starts off with paring back on sugar gradually: herbal tea or soda water instead of juice and soft drinks; halving the sugar in hot drinks and increasing the milk instead; swapping to diet soft drinks as a short-term measure.

Each week the book suggests some recipes for you to try and gives you useful information about your diet: where sugar hides; why you should eat "good" fats and where you can find them; swaps you can make in your diet; how to figure out how much sugar is actually in the foods you buy.

The recipes in this book are not rigid, strict lists of exact measurements; they're hard to get wrong in that respect. Although they do call for ingredients you might not have bought before, and there are likely to be a few trips to the health food shop where you're scratching your head and asking for help - but it's not one of those ridiculous things where you're spending a fortune on a bag of weird beans for one recipe that only calls for ten of them. Although some of the ingredients are a bit odd, they're limited to a few staples that are called for time and again in the book.

My favourite recipe in the book so far is the Coco-Nutty Granola. I saw this in a magazine article, and it was making this simple recipe that convinced me to buy the book. It's really tasty, but also simple to make and used mostly ingredients I already had in the house. You can make up a big batch and store it in a pot, and then just throw some over a yogurt and maybe some avocado in the morning. I'm all for simple breakfasts!

I've not had the nerve to actually start the eight week plan yet; I've gone through the book and made a few of the recipes from it though. The last few days though, I've been suffering with really bad headaches that are no doubt linked to my diet (it has been truly awful where I've been so stressed and ill for the last month). I feel like I really want to try it though; this book is really inspiring!

Sunday 10 August 2014

My Sunday Photo 2014-08-10


This is not just cloud dough; it's the first cloud dough S has made herself (mostly)


OneDad3Girls

Friday 8 August 2014

Weekend Blog Hop 2014-08-09


The weekend is finally here!!

First up, a little plug; S is on holidays from nursery for two weeks now, and I'm a bit lost as to what to do with her. If you have blog posts about fun things to do with toddlers, do please come and add them to my linky; I need some inspiration (and I'm hoping I'm not the only one)!


Single Mother Ahoy


Don't forget we've set up a Twitter account for the Blog Hop.
Do please go and follow @WeekendBlogHop. We will use the account to RT your links.

We're doing an Instagram Link-up again this week. Do please ensure you follow both of your hosts.


And now, on with the shenanigans.
This week's Bloggers' Showcase is  is this post from Mami2Five.
Anyone who knows me, knows that breastfeeding is a subject close to my heart; I love the way she's shot down all the naysayers!

My Life As A Mummy

Note: The above badge is for the Bloggers' Showcase only. If you would like the Weekend Blog Hop Badge, you can find it at the bottom of this post.

Now for the #WeekendBlogHop

The rules are simple:
  • Link up your BLOG. Please do not link up individual posts! 
  • Comment on the most recent post of the two blogs ahead of you in the linky. If you have already commented on that post, pick the post published before that. 
  • You can comment on more if you like!
  • If you tweet your blog using #WeekendBlogHop and tag @mylifeasamummyx and @singlemahoy we will RT as many as possible.
  • Please follow at least the two people ahead of you in the Instagram linky.
Link up your BLOG here:



And Link up your INSTAGRAM here:



Oh, and have a FABULOUS weekend!

My Life As A Mummy

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...