Dating as a Single Mother

The thing about dating when you're a single parent is that it's such a kerfuffle!

I mean, dating in itself is a pain in the bum - you get dressed up, you put on your best smiley face and basically make like you're having a job interview for an hour or so - presenting your best self, smoothing over the parts best avoided in a first meeting.

But when you're a single parent, there's a whole new level of "argh" - not only do you need to arrange a reliable baby sitter, but you also have vet your date not just in terms of whether you think you could get on with them, but whether your child or children could get on with them. And that is a massive question. 

On the one hand, you don't want a never ending parade of random men coming through your child's life; on the other though, you don't want to bother starting something with someone who doesn't get on with your child.

And then there is the question of children - if they have their own, will they have a different style of parenting, will their children get on with yours? If they don't have children, are they looking for someone to have children with (and do you want more children); are they even interested in a "ready made" family?

In ye olden days, pre-child, you could just go on a date with someone, carefree and without worrying about these things - you could just have fun and worry about whether they were "partner material" at some undetermined point down the road, if and when it got to that sort of point. Once you have a child, their happiness comes before everything else - so even if you don't ever introduce them to your child until you're sure they're worth the effort, there's no point in getting to the point where you're sure about them, if you then find that your child hates them.

I have been in the situation myself, where you're an older child and a new partner turns up who you hate, but is there to stay - and you never get over that feeling, that someone else has been chosen over you, by the one person who you feel should never choose anyone else over you. That feeling haunts my nightmares as something I would never, ever want to subject S to. 

I went on a date the other day (shh, don't tell anyone!) and it was really scary. Having been largely confined to the house in the evenings for some time now, I had nothing to wear. Heck, even brushing my hair is a bit of a novelty these days! And then, once I'd sorted a babysitter and dug out the mascara, I had to actually go and meet the bloke. Terrifying. Well... actually, I'd met him on a dating website a few weeks previously, and we'd been chatting so it wasn't that bad. We already knew a fair bit about each other so didn't have to do that whole "so..." business. Well, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a little bit of the old "so..." but it wasn't as bad as one of those dates where you have to just start from scratch with who you are.

These days, I work from home and don't have much occasion to leave the house (that sounds worse than it is, honest). When I'm not working, I'm looking after S and my mind is far from the idea of getting a date. So I'm thinking at the moment that internet dating is probably the way forward at the moment. You can do the whole "getting to know you" bit without investing too much in it, kind of like skipping the first few dates. And then you only meet the ones you get on with - and therefore need less of your babysitter's time. In theory.

If any of my lovely readers have experience of dating as a single parent, please do get in touch. I'm interested to hear how other single parents have dealt with this sort of thing.

20 Years of Online Dating

This year, internet dating is officially 20 years old.  The first online dating service was a very simple affair, matching people based on profiles of likes and dislikes. It seems simple now, but at the time it was a revelation.

For many years, internet dating struggled to shake off its image of being only for geeks. Then in 2000, the first dating services were launched that used a computer program to suggest the most compatible matches. Today, internet dating has become much more mainstream, with over 40% of people having tried online dating.

Recent technological advancements have created an online dating scene in which participants can meet people from the comfort of their own homes, talk face-to-face in real time using phones, tablets and other mobile devices. Apps like Tinder are also revolutionising the way people meet online.

But what about the future? Where will online dating be in another ten years? Holographic meetings? Virtual cafes? What's next?


To celebrate twenty years of online dating, the folks at Strictly Dating are launching a campaign for all the single bloggers out there.

Using the hashtag #20yearsdating, they want to know about bloggers' experiences dating. They would like single bloggers to go on a paid for date, and then tell everyone all about your experience - the good, the bad and the ugly!

If you would like to go on a free date in exchange for writing a warts-and-all blog post about it, get in touch with Strictly Dating

Strictly Dating: #SummerLoving

Regular readers of this blog will know I don't have the best track record with men. Since having S, I've had a go at dating but never really got too far with it. I go through stages where I want to meet someone, and then I go through stages where I think "how can I possibly have a partner before my child is in secondary school?"

When Strictly Dating asked me to take part in their #SummerLoving campaign, I thought it couldn't hurt to give it a go. I signed up to their website to see what would happen...

The site is fairly easy to use; you answer some questions about yourself, write a little blurb (how does anyone know what to write for those?!) and upload a photo. Then you have a look through the profiles and see if anyone takes your fancy!

I've decided to approach this a little less seriously than my last foray into the dating world, and instead see it as a little bit of fun. It would be nice to meet some new people, go on a couple of dates and see what happens. Even if it just means I have a few more friends/acquaintances, at least I might get a couple of evenings' decent conversation out of it!

At the moment I'm chatting to a couple of people. It's a weird feeling because unlike meeting someone in a bar or out somewhere, you both know what you're there for. So you do the whole "hi how are you" thing and then one of you usually mentions a date fairly soon - which probably wouldn't happen if you were chatting to someone in the queue in Tesco!

I would be lying if I said I wasn't at all nervous at the prospect of re-entering the dating world; my last foray didn't amount to much in the end, and it is a bit nerve-wracking  to put yourself out there. But it's also a little exciting - and really, if I never did anything that scared me, I may never leave the house again!

Watch this space to see what happens next!

A Simple Guide to Internet Dating Profiles

As some of you may know, this year I have been dipping my toe into the waters of dating. It has been fun; I have met some lovely people. I've also skimmed over a lot of dodgy-looking profiles without a second glance.

Here is what I have learned about composing your dating profile:

• Think carefully about your profile picture. A lot of people will take one look at your main photo, and make a snap decision as to whether they want to bother looking at your profile. Not very PC or charitable, but nature.

• If your photo shows you drinking/in a nightclub, people will assume that's how you spend most of your time. Fine if you do; not so great if that photo was taken on the one occasion you left the house last year.

• Men: I don't care if you caught a fantastic fish. I don't know any ladies who are on dating sites looking for men who are able to catch great big fish. It is not on anyone's list of must-haves when looking for a potential suitor. Unless you go to a really, really specific site.

• It sounds simple, but you'd be surprised by how many people add a photo and don't even bother to turn it the right way up. Likelihood is, when faced with 50 photos to look at, I'm not going to make much effort to focus on the one that also requires turning my head to one side.

• Don't use a photo of you alongside someone else as your profile picture; it's just confusing. A photo of you with your arm around someone of the opposite sex is just ridiculous. 

• If your photo shows you half naked, that says something about you. To me, it mostly says "look at me, I really love how my body looks and you should too!" Sometimes it also says "twat" in big, shiny letters. But usually only when there's a bottle or a mad "shouty" expression accompanying the half nakedness.

• Don't put in your profile that you don't smoke and rarely drink... and then upload several profile pictures of you smoking and drinking. You will only attract people who are too stupid to put the two together.

• Be positive! You wouldn't believe the number of profiles I've come across that include such cracking lines as "you probably won't be interested" or "I doubt I'm what you're looking for." You guess right, buddy! Nobody wants to date Eeyore; if you really are that miserable, perhaps you should look at resolving that issue before looking for a partner.

• Be honest about what you are looking for! I know plenty of people, male and female, who have used dating sites purely for casual hook-ups. If that's what you're after, say so!

• Don't be creepy! I met one guy online who, as soon as he knew my real name, Googled me and began to stalk my online profiles: Facebook, Twitter, this blog, you name it (for all I know, he still is). By all means, Google a person - but don't be nosey, don't be creepy, and don't say things like "did you hurt yourself when you fell over last Thursday?" That is not classed as being attentive; it's classed as being stalky.

• Remember that your online dating profile is not a way of tricking people into going out with you; it's a way of showing them who you are. There's nothing wrong with putting a positive spin on things, but don't write something that will leave people disappointed when they meet you; it's a waste of both of your time.

• Finally, get someone else to read it through before you send it live! You might think it's fabulous; a fresh pair of eyes might wonder who you're describing, or why you've never heard of punctuation.

So there's my list.

Do you have anything to add? 

I'd love to hear about your experience of internet dating!