Our Fabulous Summer Activity Bags

Shortly before S's nursery closed for Summer holidays, S's keyworker L asked me if I'd like a little book bag put together for us to borrow over the holidays. I jumped at the chance - S loves books so much she often cuddles one to sleep!

At the end of term, we were presented with two bags. I had been expecting a couple of books in a bag, but what we actually got was bags stuffed with resources. 

The Dear Zoo bag had the Dear Zoo book, a mask of each animal in the book, stick puppets, play dough mats ("can you make play dough tusks for the elephant?"), a pair-matching game featuring the animals from the book. There was a list of activities, and a list of questions to go with the masks ("can you roar and prowl like a lion?") Oh, and a Dear Zoo cuddly toy - a naughty monkey in a bag marked "Too Naughty!"

The Gruffalo bag had a copy of The Gruffalo, but also a copy of The Gruffalo Touch & Feel book, a Gruffalo peg puzzle, a Gruffalo word mat, a "Gruffalo describing words" sheet (with a picture of the Gruffalo surrounded by adjectives), a woodland background and characters from the Gruffalo to use on it.

Both bags came with a little note pad and pen so that you could write down how you got on.

S really enjoyed playing with the contents of these bags. She enjoyed the Dear Zoo one the most I think, and has asked to play with it several times. She loves to wear the masks and had proper giggles when she realised she could see me through the eye holes. They were mainly used to play Peekabo:

Here are some photos of her playing with the resources:

My favourite photo though, is this one: 

We also played with the Gruffalo bag, but S only seemed interested in the peg puzzle; she did this over and over and over again!

I was so pleased with these resources; S had a great time playing with them. Dear Zoo is her all time favourite book so she really loved all of the extras surrounding the book.

When I looked closely at the resources, the play dough mats and stick puppets etc, all came from Twinkl Resources. I had heard that name before, but I didn't recall when - so I Googled them, and found the sort of website one could get lost in for hours. They don't just do resources for playing with the Gruffalo and Dear Zoo; they have... pretty much anything you could ever want to print out. There are resources for teachers and parents, from S's age right up through the key stages. 

Twinkl say: 

Twinkl Resources is your first choice for easy to use, trusted and high quality teaching materials for educators and parents worldwide - professionally crafted materials with a personal touch.

The website is amazing; I have spent hours going through all the resources lately. One of my favourite parts is the Create page where you can essentially create your own worksheets and flash cards using the templates provided. There's also a great Primary Teaching Forum where you can chat to other users. The forum is split into sections for different subjects or different types of user, for example nursery nurses or childminders. It's a great place to swap ideas and get advice.

Most of the resources on Twinkl are free, however there are paid membership options where you can have access to even more! Gold membership is £24.95 a year, and Platinum membership is £39.59 per year. 

I love the fact most of the resources are free; it means that anyone with a printer can have access to fabulous worksheets, flash cards and games for their children. The paid option is an important one though; without subscribers to the site, they would not be able to continue offering such a wide range of resources. 

I was delighted to be offered a Platinum membership to Twinkl in exchange for writing about my experience and opinion of the site. All opinions are my own.

Feeling Grateful

I used to do a weekly gratitude linky on a Friday... but I'm a bit rubbish at remembering (and bothering) to keep it up, so I sort of fell by the wayside. But today, I thought I would resurrect it - because I'm feeling decidedly grateful.

Here are a few of the things I am grateful for today:

• S has moved from Ladybird Room to Bumblebee Room, with what seems to have been minimal fuss, no disruption and even a certain amount of excitement. I went to collect her from her first day, and found her sitting in her new key worker's lap, reading The Cat In The Hat.

• Last night after tea, S was plastered in melted Easter egg. I said, "would you like to have a shower?" at which point she jumped up, climbed the stairs, and waited for me in the bathroom. When it was time to get out of the shower, she said goodbye to her bath toys one by one and put them away. We got her dried and into her PJs, and then she sat in my lap to read The Cat In The Hat with a massive grin on her face, before giving me a kiss and a cuddle goodnight, having a little giggle as we looked for Ted, and then going into her cot and going to sleep with a smile. I have no idea how I produced a child who does these things.

My child is a legend.

• I am lucky enough to have a job I enjoy. I am also lucky enough to be able to fit that job around other things. I can take an afternoon off to go to a stay and play at nursery, and I can do over time in the evenings if I so wish. I have money in the bank and clothes on my back, and life is sweet.

• Because S and I live alone, it's up to us how we decorate our house. So our walls are increasingly covered in S's pictures that come home from nursery - the photo sheets they give me, and her numerous  pieces of artwork. I love that my interior design is toddler chic - including the grubby hand prints all the way up the stairs!

• I recently bumped into the mother of an old friend. She is a retired teacher, and someone I have always looked up to as being "someone I would like to be like." It hadn't occurred to me until we started chatting, that she had been a single mother the entire time I was growing up. My friend lived up the road, with her mother - who never re-married until we were almost fully grown. There's not much point to this one, except that I'm really glad to have bumped into her, and really glad to remember that someone I've always looked up to was actually a single mother. Single mothers can be role models too, people!

• S is doing the whole vocabulary spurt thing, which means that every single day she comes out with a multitude of new words - including pointing to the turquoise stone in my necklace and saying "boo" before moving on to point out my nose, my ears, my cheeks, my mouth. It's so much fun to see her learning all these new words!

If you have written a post recently that's about being positive, happy or grateful, please feel free to link it up here.

Do We Expect Too Much of Nurseries and Pre-Schools?

This photo is how I know my child is well cared for at nursery;
I don't need EYFS stages and charts.

Last week, Ofsted's chief inspector Sir Michael Wilshaw said that nurseries are failing to ensure children are ready to learn when they get to primary school. Apparently children are arriving for their first day at school unable to hold a pen, unable to recognise numbers or to use the toilet independently. In the poorest communities, as many as eight in ten children fall into this "unprepared" category.

I was a "people's panel" guest on BBC Wiltshire last week discussing this. You can listen here (the discussion is at about 01:27)

I went to a Montessori nursery school, where I learned basic letters and numbers before starting school. When I got to school though, I was in a minority - a lot of children had never attended any sort of institution before that point, and were all taught the alphabet at the age of 5. Granted, my first school was exceptional in that it had only 30 pupils in the whole building (years 1-4), so we all got an arguably higher standard of education any way, but still - not until we were 5. Many of the children from that school have gone on to great things, despite not beginning their education until they were 5. They have not been blighted by this terrible neglect faced by most children of the 1980s.

What is this rush with having children in a structured learning environment at younger and younger ages?

And is it really the responsibility of a nursery to teach children these things?

My daughter goes to an absolutely fantastic nursery. The staff are all lovely, the building is lovely, they do such a vast range of activities I can't keep up with it all. She wanders off happy in the mornings, and chatters all the way home. For World Book Day they had a whole week of activities, including a day where they re-enacted Oh Dear complete with toy animals and hay everywhere.

Last week, I went to parents' evening, where her keyworker talked through with me how she was getting on, and we discussed her moving downstairs to the next room when she's two. She showed me S's Learning Journey, which I assume is something they have to do for each child. It was lovely to see photos of S playing with her friends, feeding herself, etc. It was nice to see photos of us together from the times I've been into nursery for things. It was nice to read little notes from her keyworker saying "S picked up this and played with this and I said this..." What bothered me about it was that this wasn't just something they'd done as a keepsake for S's time in nursery; beneath every photo and observational note, there was a list of the observational points the activity covered.

Example:

S was on her way outside to the playground. An adult held on to her hand and began to walk down the stairs. S held on to the banister as well as the adult's hand and walked all the way down the stairs, two feet to a step. 

- physical development; moving & handling; 22-36 months; Walks up or down stairs holding on to a rail two feet to a step.

Am I the only one who thinks this sort of thing is turning my daughter's childhood into some sort of clinical experiment?

Nursery staff have a tough job; they have to be there before the children arrive, setting up for the day; they have to be chirpy and happy and endlessly patient with a marauding gang of snotty toddlers, to think up endlessly fun activities, to field queries and complaints from over-protective parents. I've never asked S's keyworker how much the average nursery worker gets, but I'm pretty sure they're not paid the big bucks. Why should they then be pressured to also do mountains of paperwork on top of looking after the children all day?

Don't get me wrong; it's nice to look at her Learning Journey and see that she's had fun, but if I though the nursery weren't looking after my daughter well, if I thought she wasn't happy there, no amount of paperwork with EYFS key stages carefully noted down would stop me from removing her.

I judge how good S's day has been by the smile on her face, the number of bags of dirty clothes I'm handed at home time, and the amount of pen/paint/sand/glitter smeared across her face and into her hair. I can tell she loves it there; I know she's having a good time. The other day I arrived to pick her up to find one member of staff on the floor with a child on each knee having cuddles, another reading stories, and another watching several children playing in a tent. I couldn't see S until one of them called her name, and she emerged from a tunnel with a massive grin plastered across her face. That is what I pay nursery fees for; that is how I know my child is well cared for and having a good time.

The staff would tell me if she had any sort of problem with socialising or joining in with activities. They shouldn't have to try and fit her play into a specific framework set out by a government who really should be looking at those much larger fish they should be frying.

It seems to me that on the one hand, the government are trying to increase class sizes and change the law regarding ratios in nurseries and classrooms; but on the other hand, they're piling more and more responsibility onto these nurseries.

Furthermore, should it really be the job of the nursery staff to teach my child to use the toilet independently? Is it their responsibility to teach her the alphabet or how to hold a pen? I would count all of those things as my job, and while the nursery help with all of these things, it's not their responsibility. If S leaves nursery to start school unable to use the toilet by herself, it will be me who has failed more than the nursery staff.

What is this fascination with having children shoved into school-like settings at younger ages?

If you look back at the great people of our history, how many of those started school aged 4? And in countries where children generally achieve higher levels of literacy and numeracy, they tend to start school later. What's so wrong with letting our children play? What does government think will happen, if my daughter just gets to play and spend time with her friends until she is 5?

I've heard plenty of horror stories from friends who are primary school teachers of parents depositing their beloved child in the playground at the start of Reception year, still in a nappy. Or at a point where they probably should still be in a nappy. Whether they've been at nursery or not up to that point, it was the responsibility of the parent to toilet train the child. Perhaps if it was obvious they weren't succeeding - for whatever reason - more help should have been offered before September rolled around and the poor child had to sit in a classroom of peers who were all perfectly able to go to the toilet without assistance?

Perhaps, in those "poor" areas where children are arriving at schools without basic capabilities, more support should be given to parents early on. Rather than lumber nursery staff with the job of preparing a child for school, why do we not look to the parents to take an active role in teaching their child? Perhaps more funding should be put into the provision of health visitors and suchlike so that children can be visited in the home to see how they get on, and help given to parents to improve where skills are lacking. There are relatively few parents out there who genuinely do not want to help their child to succeed. Many may need extra help with it - but they need help, not someone to do it for them, surely!

If you've enjoyed this post I'd love if you would nominate me for a Brilliance in Blogging Award:

Paddington's Week

As we were leaving nursery one day last week, we were handed a very special bag... Paddington was coming home with us for the week!

He came in a bag with a diary for us to fill in, a story book and a few other bits.

So here's what we did with him:

On his first night we were a little unprepared, so he slept on the sofa and came upstairs for some cuddles in the morning.

It was our day off, so S and I tried to come up with some fun things for Paddington to do.

First Paddington and Ted sat and played with MegaBloks with S.

We walked into town, and S and Ted sat on the checkout in M&S while I paid for our shopping. There was a cheese straw involved because that is the best way to get my child to be even vaguely amenable when shopping.

Paddington showed us the trailer for his latest movie. We were impressed. He's very down to earth, for a movie star.

Paddington and Ted watched S putting pom poms into a bottle. She was very good at it because she likes to do it every day (and then Mummy has to get the pom poms out with her expensive eyebrow tweezers so they're ready for the next day)

We made a special bed for Paddington, using the blanket a friend knitted for S when she was born. He loved it and slept a lot more soundly than S. (perhaps it was the blanket... perhaps I should consider putting her to bed under this blanket tonight...)

On the days S went to nursery, Paddington stayed home and played with her toys. When she came home, he watched her playing all sorts of fun games. In this picture, she is putting pipe cleaners into a bottle. This wasn't as popular as the pom poms though, so she didn't do it again.

S enjoyed reading stories to Paddington and Ted. They enjoyed the stories and the animal noises that went with them.

Paddington tried a piece of orange. I thought he'd like it because that's what marmalade is made from, but he wasn't so keen. I hate fussy house guests.

On Saturday we went to Nana's. She was out, which was handy. We used the time to make a mess of her house and leave hundreds and thousands all over the sofa. Paddington and S attempted a puzzle, but ended up just leaving the wooden blocks in cleverly irritating places.

While we were at Nana's we found a very old Paddington. His hat and coat were the wrong way round, but he was still smiling.

After Nana's, we walked to Auntie Lou and Uncle Lew's house. They have children who are just the right age for playing, and the sort of garden that's perfect for such things. Paddington and S commandeered her cousin's old trike and rode around the garden like cool dudes.

When we came home, we read a book about Paddington going to the beach. Paddington was very good about keeping the ending a secret.

Paddington, Ted and Fluffy Bunny (a present from Kit) enjoyed watching S sort coloured pasta into different pots. Considering how long it took Mummy to paint the blummin pasta, we really thing S should have enjoyed it a little more.

Paddington and Fluffy Bunny enjoyed sitting in Paddington's bed together while we ate tea. I think they were getting a little too close though, and I dread to think what the children would look like - so they were separated at bed time.









Paddington was a little gutted not to be allowed to share S's bath, so we sat him on the toys in the corner to watch. He got a bit bored though, and fell in... so he had to go to bed instead. Naughty Paddington!

The Childcare Issue

I was on LBC this morning talking about childcare costs; a new report has come out showing that childcare costs have rocketed by almost 80% in the last ten years and people are outraged.

Actually, the figure they quote as an average (and are clearly outraged by) is about £50 a week less than what I pay.

My daughter goes to a fantastic nursery. I know she is safe and well cared for there, and she has fun. She is happy there. I can leave her there in the morning knowing that she will play happily with her friends, learn about the world, do painting, drawing, make collages, play outside in the playground. At lunch time, the cook prepares a fabulous meal that they all eat together; S often has double helpings. If her nose runs, someone will wipe it. If she falls down, someone will pick her up and give her a cuddle. She usually comes home wearing her spare change of clothes, covered in sand and paint and glitter and food - and a great big grin. I am happy to pay what some might think is an extortionate amount on childcare because I know every penny of it is money well spent.

Let's look at the options parents have here:

1. One parent stays home and looks after the child(ren) while the other goes out to work. One income (unless it's fairly substantial) will not go terribly far and unless the stay at home parent is Mum/Dad of the Year, there is likely to be a fair bit of down time during the day while the parent does things like cleaning, washing, preparing lunch and so on. Yes, they can go out to toddler groups and meet friends at the park, but there is also likely to be a fair amount of time spent watching CBeebies (there was when I was a SAHM any way). Doing things outside of the house costs money, and if your partner is not bringing home the big bucks, you can't always afford an educational trip to the zoo or whatever.

2. Both parents work, and the child or children go to nursery or stay with a relative. It's hard enough to pay for a nursery place for one child, but if you have two nursery age children, at what point do you decide that actually, the second parent going to work is costing you money?

Childcare seems to have become this problem to solve: find someone to watch the children and make sure they don't break any bones while you go and sit at a desk doing a job you hate and resent because it's keeping you away from your child. The media, and the government, seem to have forgotten that actually, many of us don't want cheap-as-chips nursery places. If my nursery put its prices down, I would wonder what the hell they were scrimping on. I want to pay good money, knowing that my child is happy and safe and secure, and that the staff are not spending their time at work preoccupied with how they will make ends meet this month. I don't want to pay peanuts to just shove my child somewhere to keep her out of harm's way. No job is worth that.

My personal opinion is that nurseries should receive massive subsidies from the government. In the same way that schools receive funding per pupil for the academic year, nurseries should receive the same - with a token amount of top-up from the parents.

I fully respect parents who choose to stay home with their children until they're of school age. I know a lot of women who do this, and they do a fantastic job. I know that I could not do such a great job; I know that on a day-to-day basis, my daughter has more fun at nursery than she does stuck at home with me. And I am a better Mummy for the time I get to spend working and chatting to adults about things that don't involve nappies and CBeebies.

So what do we do? The other caller on the show today was a lady called Claire Paye from a campaign group called Mothers At Home Matter. She quite rightly said that funding seems to be skewed in favour of families where the parents work; families where a parent stays home to care for the children receive no funding. Incidentally, it's the same if you decide to home school your child: pack your child off to a crowded, dirty school that's more about crowd control and exams than actual enrichment of life, and that school get a set amount of funding per head. Decide to home school your child... you don't even get a free exercise book.

Claire says:

Mothers at Home Matters believes that mothers are the most important person in a child's life. However, this Government is spending £4.5bn on childcare and what it calls early intervention whilst charging families with a mother at home at least 54% more tax than families where both parents work.  So they are subsidising childcare and penalising mothercare.  Mothers at Home Matter is campaigning for a level playing field where families can make a genuine choice as to whether to look after their babies and children entirely themselves or for both parents to work to whatever extent suits the family.  The only 'choice' the Government offers families is for both parents to work, ideally for as many hours as possible, outsourcing childcare to paid, detached professionals.  

The phrase Claire used on air was a "level playing field." I think she's right to be honest. I really believe that being a parent is the most important job there is. As parents we are responsible for raising the next generation. If we do a bad job, who will pick up the pieces? If we can't afford to do enriching, educating activities with our children, if we can't afford to take them places, to feed them nice and varied foods... what happens then? What happens when that child grows up into an adult who has never seen a pineapple, or hasn't learned how to tell the time? Or something more serious?

Which brings me onto my next point.

I've written before about the change to Universal Credit, and how I'm not the biggest fan. The latest revelations have left me gobsmacked though!

With the proposed changes, families claiming what are currently known as tax credits and earning above the income tax threshold - due to rise to £10,000 this April - will be able to reclaim up to 85% of their childcare costs (at the moment it's 70%). Sounds good, right?

Except that those earning below the income tax threshold will only be able to claim up to 70% of their childcare costs. According to Gingerbread, this means families on lower incomes will effectively be paying double for their childcare. How is that in any way right?

Just sit and have a think for a moment about this. Single parents returning to work invariably end up in low-paid, menial jobs - because that's what's available to fit around everything else. Mums in general end up mostly on the checkouts at Tesco or in cleaning jobs because of a lack of flexibility in their original jobs. How many of those jobs do you think will pay more than £10,000 a year? Bearing in mind, of course, that the person in question might only be doing 18 hours a week.

I understand the idea that "if you're not paying tax, you can't claim it back" but really that puts lower income families in a really tricky position. What do they do? I claim tax credits to pay for S's nursery. If my funding suddenly dropped to 70% I'd have to find that shortfall from somewhere. I'm trying to think of where I'd find it... It would undoubtedly be the money spent on day trips, bus rides, supplies for messy play, colouring pens. Or I would have to stop work and go onto Income Support. How is forcing someone who wants to work to go back to life on benefits helping anyone?

I don't understand what they want us to do. They seem to be putting low income families in a position where they have zero chance of things getting any better. No chance of moving to a nicer area, affording a car so that they can get to a better job a little further afield. No light at the end of the tunnel. The attitude seems to be well, you had the kid; you look after it and don't come begging to us for help. Fabulous. But however you penalise my child for existing today, tomorrow, this year, next year - at some point she will grow up and become a member of society like you and I. And with more children being pushed below the poverty line, their parents not given the chance to set them a good example, what will society look like in 20, 30, 40 years?

And I know this is the point where all the people who aren't entitled to claim any form of tax relief or benefit pipe up and say "well I don't get any help; why should you?" I think the question there really should be "why shouldn't I  be entitled?" I think all families, regardless of background or income or anything else, deserve a level playing field. This is not a numbers game; it's not an experiment; it's not a joke. This is the wellbeing of our children we are talking about here. How are we to know that the cure for Cancer is not currently inside the brain of a little boy who lives on a rough council estate, already written off by the government as not being worth their effort?

Everyone deserves the chance to have the very best start in life. I believe the parent knows their child best, and therefore it's their decision what the best start will be. For some, that is going to work - and they should be able to go to work in a fulfilling job, without worrying about who is taking care of their child. For others, it's staying home and taking care of the child themselves - and these people should be given just as much help and support to do that. Because if we don't... well, who will be in charge of the pensions by the time we hit pension age?

A Ranty Post About Nurseries and Steve Biddulph.

Yesterday morning, we got up at 6 and read Hairy Maclary in bed. We made breakfast and ate it, then had a few spins on Mummy's work chair before putting our coats on. I carried S down the filthy stairs that stink of dog piss, over a large pile of dog poo right at the bottom of the stairs, and round the corner out of the estate.

S sitting on my lap, reading Hairy Maclary.

As soon as I let her get down to walk, we were off! S set the pace, and we practically ran all the way down the road. When we stopped briefly to cross a road, there was a cheer of "hooray!" when we started moving again. We rushed up the small ramp and through the gate to nursery. In the front door, up the stairs... and in the door to the Ladybird room.

We were greeted by E and A, S's two best friends. They have both learned to say her name, so that's what we heard as we came through the door. I put S down, took her coat, hat and shoes off, and turned to put them on her peg. When I turned back to kiss her goodbye... she was nowhere to be seen. She'd gone off with E and A to dance to the music that was playing in the corner. I went over to give her a kiss goodbye, but she didn't pay too much attention; she was busy with her friends.

In the afternoon, I arrived to find her wearing her second spare change of clothes. She spilled something down the first lot, and the second lot got drenched when she went outside to play and found a puddle. She gave me a big cuddle, said goodbye to everyone, and we wandered home via the post box, several detours and a muddy puddle.

Anyone who knows us will tell you: this is an unfeasibly happy child. She is securely attached, she is sociable, energetic, a bit too into risk-taking with her climbing, but happy. She looks forward to nursery; she loves her friends; she loves her keyworker; she loves coming home.

And that, Steve Biddulph, is why I "slam" my child into nursery. That is why I pay out £150 a week for her to spend 4 days in a room filled with snotty toddlers.

For those who don't know, Steve Biddulph says that one in five children who are put in nursery before the age of 3 will develop mental health problems. He says we damage our children by putting them into nursery.

Believe me when I tell you: if I thought my daughter didn't absolutely love nursery, I would quit work tomorrow and just learn to survive on £71 a week benefit. Actually, as it happens, once I've paid my rent and suchlike, at the moment I think I'm surviving on less than that. But I'm happy in my work, and S is happy in nursery. She spends time with children her age, doing the things children her age do, learning from them as they learn from her. Nursery has a light box, a play kitchen, 400 puzzles, a gazillion books a Tuff Spot, an outdoor play area that has no dog poo and no unpleasant smells, a sand pit, several different kinds of building blocks, and a big round table where all the children sit to eat lunch and snacks together. When I pick S up from nursery, they tell me what she had for lunch, and how many helpings she had. She eats very well at nursery, when surrounded by children her age all eating the same thing. At home... not so much. When you're inside the nursery, you can't hear the disaffected youth shouting up and down the street to each other outside. You can't see people dealing drugs from their windows. When she is playing outside, there is a chuffing great padlock on the nursery gate.

At nursery, my child is safe and secure and stimulated and educated and socialised and happy. How dare anyone tell me that she will grow up with mental health issues caused by going there?

Studies have shown that if children are not shown enough love in the first 2 years of their lives, their brains don't develop that capacity properly. So... choose a nursery where the staff are clearly taking care of the children well! When I collect S from nursery, all of the staff are just as excited as me or her keyworker at any new development she's made. When she's poorly and I arrive to collect her, she is invariably in her keyworker's arms getting a cuddle. Just because she is in nursery, that does not mean she doesn't receive love and affection. If anything, she receives more - because she has several adults with whom to mesmerise with her charm!

Women already feel endless guilt about returning to work. We already hate to leave our children. I spent most afternoons counting down the minutes until I can go and collect S. It's irresponsible and downright unkind to tell us that we're damaging our children!

What are we supposed to do? We're not supposed to claim benefits; everyone hates people on benefits. But now they hate us if we put our children in nursery too? How do we win this one?

Magic Moments, 15th July 2013

When S started nursery in April, it was heartbreaking for me. She was almost 13 months old at that point, and had rarely left my side before. In fact, she had only been apart from me for more than a couple of hours once, and that was the week before I returned to work.

She cried every time I dropped her off, and while the nursery staff assured me she had a great time once I was gone, she cried every time I came to pick her up. It was really hard for me, having previously been blessed with a child who rarely cried.

I started to wonder if perhaps I would have to leave my job and struggle by on benefits until S was a bit older. Other people had told me horror stories about their child crying every time they were left, for the first year! I knew there was no way I could deal with that, and prayed that she would settle in quickly.

Over time, the crying grew less and less; some days she would cry as she was handed to her keyworker, but stop before I’d left the room. Twice last week, she was so busy playing when I arrived to collect her that she came over to say hi to me, then wandered off again. Normally I have to pick her up as soon as I arrive, and then there’s a battle to put her down again to get the sling on.

This morning, S was trying to grab hold of her nursery bag as soon as she’d finished breakfast. I thought perhaps she wanted to try and get the sun cream out of it, since that’s one of her favourite things to play with. But then I went upstairs to the toilet, and when I came back down this is what I saw:

For the next ten minutes, as I was rushing about the house trying to get ready to leave, she followed me around saying “buh bye! Buh bye!”

When we left, for once there was no fight to get her shoes on; she even helped me to do them up. 

I carried her in the sling for the 5 minute walk to the nursery, but put her down once we got into the playground. She saw one of the staff she recognised, and waved, and then happily walked round to the door. 

When we got into her room, S smiled and waved to her keyworker. I put her down and took her coat off, but didn’t have time to take her shoes off – she was off! Once I’d put her coat on the hook, I went over to give her a kiss goodbye, but she was too busy playing with her friend to be bothered by me, and even watched me going out of the door without flinching.

This morning, I walked to work grinning from ear to ear.

The Nursery Debate: An Update

Earlier this week I made a post where I deliberated about putting S into nursery for an extra day.

Well, I took her to nursery on Thursday morning, feeling terribly guilty about looking forward to going for a run when I got home.

Normally when I drop her off at nursery, I hand her over to one of the staff, and she maybe whines a bit, or clings to me, or to them.

This time, I put her on the floor next to some other children and toys, because I had to sign a form. When I looked up, she was happily playing with some toys, completely unbothered whether I was there or not.

In the afternoon, the nursery was running a first aid course, which meant that S stayed on for an hour and a half longer than usual. She had her tea there, which she doesn't normally do.

When I sneaked into the room to pick her up, she walked up to me, showed me the toy she was playing with, and wandered off again. She was far too busy playing, and when it came to going home I had to call her several times to come to me!

Her sheet for the day told me she'd had a fab day. She had so much fun, in fact, she had 2 changes of clothes and came home in spare nursery clothes after hers got soaking wet. She had pen all over her face, and had drawn me a picture. Apparently she enjoyed making farm animal noises, and ate well.

So really, I needn't have worried!

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The Nursery Debate

Tomorrow, S will start going to nursery an extra day a week.

S at nursery, eating custard.

I need the extra time to work on my studying, which I've just not managed to do properly since I went back to work. And I really need to start doing some proper housework.

It will be the first time I will have had regular time to myself, to do as I please, since... well, that depends on whether you count my pregnancy as having had my own free will really. But a long time.

I'm looking forward to going for a run.

But I also feel incredibly guilty.

As if I'm dumping her in nursery when I'm not even at work, because I'm just too lazy to look after my own child. A bad parent. The kind of person who doesn't value time spent with their child. I already leave her there 3 days a week so that I can go to work; surely I would want to spend those precious 2 days in the middle of the week with her, catching up with what we've missed about each other?

Well, yes. I love our two days mid-week more than the days we have at the weekend. There are fewer people about, we can go to parks and the beach and swimming and the library and wherever else we want to go, without it being too crowded. If I could, I'd have someone take S for a day on the weekend so that I could catch up on my studying and general "me" time. But the nursery is not open on weekends, and there is nobody else I can rely on to have her on a regular basis.

Realistically, if I was going to leave her with anyone while I got on with my bits and bobs, nursery is the best place. I know she has fun there. She loves the staff, the other children, the toys. They do all sorts of things that we don't do at home. The past two afternoons she's spent splashing about in a paddling pool outside, wearing just her nappy, and I have neither an outside nor a paddling pool.

I know S will be safe and happy at nursery.

But I still feel awful for planning to leave my precious child with someone else for the day, when I'm not even going to work!

This post is updated here.

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The Steep Learning Curve

The Steep Learning Curve

S has been at nursery for a month now, and already she's learning things...

• She's learned to eat off a plate/from a bowl without giving in to the urge to turn it over and launch her food across the room.

• She can now turn individual pages in a book, and will sit and read through her books, one page at a time.

• She can now take several steps unaided - has started doing it without me holding my arms out... or even watching her (that she knows of)

• She can, on occasion, take a drink from her cup without immediately spitting it all down her front.

• She will now let an adult wipe her nose, rather than covering her face with her hands and opting instead to wipe the snot on the nearest available leg.

• She points to things. A lot.

• She says "Hi" and "Bye" a lot more than she did before, and waves at every available opportunity.

• When she is eating, she has learned to put her hand to her mouth to push errant bits of food in, rather than just moving her head to try and catch what was trying to escape.

• She has learned to eat all sorts of new and exciting foods she wouldn't have had at home.

• She's learned to go to sleep without me, and sleep for a reasonable amount of time, on a regular basis. In fact, I think she now sleeps better at nursery than at home.

• She says "ta" when you give her something

• She appears to have learned that when I leave her, I'm coming back.

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Single *Working* Mother Ahoy!

Today was my first day back at work in 13 months.

Thirteen months spent getting dressed when I felt like it, mooching about, watching daytime telly (or CBeebies), not needing to brush my hair, not needing to worry about the snot and ground-in rusk on every item of clothing by mid-afternoon most days.

Almost thirteen months of spending all day, every day with my little pickle. Of talking in silly voices and cuddles on demand and perhaps sharing her mid-morning nap if I was tired, and playing with her teddies and mucking about in the ball pit and reading story books and very occasionally sneaking off somewhere for a couple of hours (usually for something delightful like a doctor or dentist appointment).

Thirteen months away from work; thirteen months away from the office, from the logins and the phones and the programs that are used on a daily basis, and the office banter, and the knowing who's who and the knowing the gossip and the whispers.

Clearly knowing something was afoot, S was awake and wriggling by 5:30 this morning. She was a happy little wriggler though, and we actually managed to get out of the house early! This was good, as it meant I had time to sit and play with her at nursery and make sure she was really settled before I left. 

Us, this morning

Work was interesting. It was weird going back there, not least because all the desks and teams have moved, and most of my team has left and been replaced by new people I don't know! It was a nice day though, getting to know new people, catching up with old ones, trying desperately to remember what all the different programs were for. It went fairly quickly.

As soon as 3:30 rolled around I was up and out of the door and off to pick up S, with a quick stop in Tesco to pick up her favourite for tea. I had called once during the day, but was scared to call again - because if they said she was crying I knew there was no chance I'd want to stay at work, and that realistically they need to be able to calm her without me being there - and she needs to get used to them doing that! 

I was let in the front door and rushed up the 2 flights of stairs... as I put my head round the door S looked up and immediately put her arms up to be picked up; she looked like she might cry! I gave her a big cuddle and her keyworker came and had a long chat with us (S joined in) about what they'd been up to. 

S's daily feedback sheet for today says:

S has had a lovely first day. She has been a little sad at times, mainly when she was getting tired. S had a much better afternoon sleep and has been very happy and chatty this afternoon. S went to sleep in a pushchair this afternoon and we have been enjoying having cuddles during the day. S has been very confident in going off to explore the room by herself.

The feedback sheet also informs me she had chilli, rice and garlic bread for lunch, though her clothes were relatively clean, and the bib I put in her bag was apparently unused. I am unsure as to the witchcraft they have used to get food into my child - but I want them to share their secrets!!

All in all, I don't think I could have hoped for a better first day back at work.

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