Being Thankful

This week I am thankful for all sorts of awesome things; many of which I cannot write about here. But there are several things I can write about!

• I am thankful that I went to my friend's dinner party last Friday evening. I got my sister to baby sit, but I felt rubbish and really just wanted to go to bed. I sat here at my desk trying to psyche myself up to leave the house and trudge across town in the rain... but then once I got there, I had a fabulous time and talked to some really interesting people.
• I'm thankful that I believe in synchronicity and the power of coincidence. Some very... synchronous things have happened to and around me lately, and it's all been quite amazing to witness.
• I'm thankful, as ever, for my beautiful S who is a shining light in my life and makes me feel lucky to be alive every single day.
• I am grateful for all the shitty things that have happened in my life, because they have led me right to this point, which is where I needed to be.

This is a linky, and I would love it if you would link up any positive post you have written this week.

The Secret... is it to be a Mum?

I watched The Secret a few years ago... and I read the book. Then I had a nervous breakdown, and forgot all about it.

Just recently, I've been reminded of it. My sister bought me The Secret Daily Teachings for Christmas, and I've been reading through it. Then I realised The Secret was on Netflix, so I watched it a couple of times.

For those who don't know, The Secret is about the Law of Attraction. The basic principle is that if you concentrate on the bad things in your life, you will attract more bad things. But if you focus on the good, you attract more good. The experts in the book and the movie say that this is more based on your feeling than your thought. So when you feel great about everything, more great things will happen. There's a bit where they say you should try to feel more love, as you then attract more love to you.

This made me think... I don't think I really knew what love even was until I had S. That absolute, definite knowledge that I would lay down my life for her. That constant feeling of "ohmygodyouresoperfecthowthehelldidImakeanythingthisawesomeyouareamazing." I miss her when she's at nursery. Sometimes when I go to bed at night I want to wake her up just to give her an extra cuddle. I live for that smile.

So it's safe to say that I'm feeling more love in my life than I ever have before.

And I'm also experiencing more awesomeness in my life than I ever have before.

So perhaps the Secret is to have a shitty time, and then a baby and more of a shitty time. And then awesomeness will rain down upon you.

Just a thought.

What Does My Underwear Say About Me?

I've had a few deep-and-meaningful chats lately with various people, about my plans for the future, my past, the way I feel about myself.

The other day, I was talking to a lady who lived in Australia for a number of years, returning in May last year. I mentioned Primark, and she had no idea what I was talking about.

I explained to her: it's a shop where all the clothes are really cheap, but not fabulously made. She pulled a face. I told her it was good for stocking up on t shirts and underwear or if you needed a cheap pair of jeans. She pulled another face. I said it was good if you were thinking of trying out a new style or trend and didn't want to waste a lot of money if you weren't sure. She pulled a face.

Eventually she said, "do you really think so badly of yourself, that you would only spend £2.50 on underwear for yourself? Are you not worth a bit more?"

I think perhaps she makes a valid point.

I used to buy a lot of underwear. I unconsciously stopped wearing my beautiful matching sets when I started seeing the ex. It wasn't something I realised I had done until recently. It sounds silly, but I didn't want to wear my nice underwear in his house. Then I got pregnant, then I was breastfeeding, and now I'm a completely different size. I can't bring myself to throw any of it away, so I have a black bag filled with gorgeous underwear sets in the back of my cupboard upstairs. 

Underwear from a Previous Life

For the last couple of years, I have been buying multi-packs of plain black pants in Primark, and just wearing those. I have a drawer filled with just plain black pants. Literally nothing else. Last time I went to Primark, I branched out a little and bought a patterned set instead - but still the cheapest, nastiest underwear you can get. After speaking to my friend, I went and found all my lovely underwear in the back of my cupboard. The bras are useless to me now, but some of the knickers still fit - and look and feel a hundred times better than the boring black ones!

During my conversation with this lady, we also talked about where I live. For those who don't know, I live in a first-floor maisonette on a council estate. It is arguably the "roughest" council estate in this area (this is a very affluent area so it's not gangland warfare or anything) and has certainly always had the worst reputation. I've a friend who moved to this estate from Fulham in the 1980s, and wondered what the hell he had let himself in for. I don't like it here.  But when I moved here, I didn't have a great deal of choice over where I lived - and I was pretty much at rock bottom, confidence-wise. When I moved in here, I was little more than a puppet with someone else pulling the strings. This lady's opinion was the same as with the underwear - I clearly didn't value myself very much when I moved in here. She's right, of course. 

So perhaps she's right about Primark as well. Perhaps I should value myself a little more highly than paying £2.50 for 5 pairs of plain black pants. Perhaps I should aim a little higher than jeans that are cheap but don't fit well, or tops that are cheap but lose their shape quickly and look awful. It's all very well saying "but I have a toddler..." but should I really wear exclusively shit clothing just in case some poster paint is splashed in my direction? I think not!

The other week, I went to a local independent underwear shop and spent what I would consider to be a small fortune on one bra. One bra that was fitted by a lady so good at her job, she didn't even have a tape measure on the counter, much less around her neck. She took one look at me, went into the stock room and came out with a beautiful, coral-coloured bra that fit me perfectly. When I wear it, I stand straighter. I know I look good, even with a cheap jumper over the top of my fabulous bra.

Perhaps I shall do this more often. Perhaps my friend is right. 

What is your underwear saying about you?

Wordless Wednesday: Our Instagramtastic Week 2014-01-29

We've had a fabulous week; I hope you have too!

Now it's your turn. Link up any post that's mainly photos. And enjoy nosing at other people's photos!

Happy Hump Day!

Be Your Own Best Friend...

I went to this meeting the other day... There were lots of people there, and the subject of confidence came up.

As you may know, I have had my fair share (possibly more than my fair share) of issues with confidence.

I listened with interest as one lady said something so blindingly obvious. I wondered why it had never occurred to me.

You need to be your own best friend... if you were thinking of doing something new, and your best friend said to you, oh no, don't even try at that; you'll be crap and everyone will laugh at you! you'd find yourself a new best friend pretty damn quick! If we wouldn't talk to a friend like that, why is it ok to talk to ourselves like that?

(I'm paraphrasing; I wasn't recording her or taking notes or anything!)

This lady is a performer; she says when you're on stage, and someone is talking, or perhaps gets up and leaves, you can either assume they hate what you're doing... or you can assume they're commenting on how awesome you are. Why would you ever assume someone is saying something nasty about you, when there's the possibility they're complimenting you?

She is right, of course.
It really struck a chord with me. I've been trying very hard to replace my negative self talk with an irritatingly chirpy cheer leader who says things like "Yeah! You can nail this! You're the best person for this! Go Team Vicky!"

Of course, the miserable, pessimist inside of me has been there for 32 years and quite likes her place. Hers is the first voice I hear in any given situation... the trick is to acknowledge what she says, thank her for her opinion, and then start listening to the happy optimist.

Review: Panache Sports Bra

I've been doing a weekly beat for Yahoo called "My January Boot Camp Challenge." I signed up for it in December, excited to be getting back into exercise. I used to be a right old gym bunny, but I'd not done any proper exercise since before S was born... Then I realised that none of my old gym kit was any use. Most of the tight, brightly-coloured t shirts were thrown out long ago, and all of my old sports bras are... well, definitely the wrong size.

Luckily, those wonderful people at Panache swooped in to the rescue, and very kindly sent me a sports bra. 

When it arrived, I was expecting your standard black or white bra... but no! Behold, the sports bra of doom!

How gorgeous is that!

Now... the thing about having big boobs is, you just sort of expect some wobble. You resign yourself to it, and get on with your workout. When I used to run years ago, I was a DD cup, and the wobbling was just something I put up with. Weirdly, since having S they have grown a fair bit. I figured there was no sports bra on the planet capable of containing the wobble now.

I was wrong.

I think I may be in actual love with this new sports bra. It is, quite simply, amazing.

It clips together at the back to form a racer back, and is very snug without being too tight. I tested it out with running, but also with such exercising delights as burpees - this is where many sports bras lose points. Some can do upright wobble, but most can't do horizontal wobble. This one can.

And it's such a beautiful colour and style! Gone are the days when big boobs meant unsightly underwear with lots of scaffolding and no style!

The bra costs £38 which sounds like a lot, except that I purchased a regular bra the other day, and it was £41. Girls with big boobs pay big prices for their underwear. After all, it's not something you want to cheap out on, is it! Even if Primark did a sports bra in my size, I wouldn't buy it! And with this one I think you're definitely getting your money's worth! It works better than any sports bra I've ever tried before (and trust me, I owned a lot of sports bras in a previous life), and is beautiful to boot.

Disclaimer: I was provided with a Panache sports bra for free in exchange for writing this post but that was not dependent on my writing a favourable review. All words and opinions are my own.

Sunday Funday!

I've been trying to make more of an effort to do fun things with S on our days off. This Sunday, the weather forecast was awful, and since she's been a bit poorly I thought it might be a good idea to stay in. While we were out on Saturday, we bought new paint and brushes, some flour and other bits and bobs. My plan was to do some painting, bake cakes, and make pizza for tea... 

S absolutely loves painting, and she really enjoyed putting paint onto her hands and making hand prints on the paper. We put glitter in the paint too, which made if tun (but a bugger to clean up). However, once her hands are covered in paint, she seems to go entirely off the idea, and wants them washed immediately. So the painting turned out to be fairly short lived. 

We did have lots of fun with attempting hand and foot prints with some pens later though; apparently S is perfectly comfortable with being covered in pen and not needing to have it wiped off. Hands, feet, nose, mouth; it was even in her hair. 

It was so lovely to spend the whole day just mucking about. When I made the dough for our home made pizzas, she came and sat on the side next to me and played with her orange cloud dough (which has lasted 2 weeks now and is a great thing to have handy in the kitchen for when I'm cooking!).  We read lots of books, played with some lego, jumped on the trampoline and generally just had fun. There was even half an hour of tickling and laughing upstairs on the bed.

We never did get round to baking cakes though...

Silent Sunday 2014-01-26

Weekend Blog Hop 2014-01-25

Wow, just a month ago we were all unwrapping presents and sniping at relatives... and now it's nearly February. Doesn't time fly!

For me, this weekend is all about positive thoughts and exciting planning.
I hope you're having a fun weekend too!

I'm a little late setting up the blog hop because I was out most of yesterday... so I'll just shut up and get on with the linky part...

Link up your Facebook page here:


And link up your blog here:

Gratitude

Bit late with the gratitude post this week, and it's not going to be a linky either.

I've had a bit of a bad week, what with one thing and another. Things are a bit tricky at the moment and I'm busy trying to figure out how to get through it all.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to remain positive. So this is what I am grateful for:

• A wonderful friend had her baby this week, and I am so excited to meet her.
• S and I have had some wonderful time together over the last week. She's been learning lots of new things and we've had lots of fun together which is always a bonus.
• My first column was published in the local paper. I'm super chuffed about this, despite the fact none of my family seems bothered about it! I'm so pleased to be writing a weekly column and looking forward to the experience it will give me. The first step in the direction I want to head in! Fabulous!

• Although money is tight at the moment, we still have food on our table and a roof over our heads; in that way we're in a much better position than a lot of people these days. And we're living proof that you don't need money to be happy!
• I really do have some quite awesome friends. People I've not really spent much time with since school, but who will send messages to check I'm ok, suggestions, ideas, jokes. 

Happy Friday everyone; I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

A Ranty Post About Nurseries and Steve Biddulph.

Yesterday morning, we got up at 6 and read Hairy Maclary in bed. We made breakfast and ate it, then had a few spins on Mummy's work chair before putting our coats on. I carried S down the filthy stairs that stink of dog piss, over a large pile of dog poo right at the bottom of the stairs, and round the corner out of the estate.

S sitting on my lap, reading Hairy Maclary.

As soon as I let her get down to walk, we were off! S set the pace, and we practically ran all the way down the road. When we stopped briefly to cross a road, there was a cheer of "hooray!" when we started moving again. We rushed up the small ramp and through the gate to nursery. In the front door, up the stairs... and in the door to the Ladybird room.

We were greeted by E and A, S's two best friends. They have both learned to say her name, so that's what we heard as we came through the door. I put S down, took her coat, hat and shoes off, and turned to put them on her peg. When I turned back to kiss her goodbye... she was nowhere to be seen. She'd gone off with E and A to dance to the music that was playing in the corner. I went over to give her a kiss goodbye, but she didn't pay too much attention; she was busy with her friends.

In the afternoon, I arrived to find her wearing her second spare change of clothes. She spilled something down the first lot, and the second lot got drenched when she went outside to play and found a puddle. She gave me a big cuddle, said goodbye to everyone, and we wandered home via the post box, several detours and a muddy puddle.

Anyone who knows us will tell you: this is an unfeasibly happy child. She is securely attached, she is sociable, energetic, a bit too into risk-taking with her climbing, but happy. She looks forward to nursery; she loves her friends; she loves her keyworker; she loves coming home.

And that, Steve Biddulph, is why I "slam" my child into nursery. That is why I pay out £150 a week for her to spend 4 days in a room filled with snotty toddlers.

For those who don't know, Steve Biddulph says that one in five children who are put in nursery before the age of 3 will develop mental health problems. He says we damage our children by putting them into nursery.

Believe me when I tell you: if I thought my daughter didn't absolutely love nursery, I would quit work tomorrow and just learn to survive on £71 a week benefit. Actually, as it happens, once I've paid my rent and suchlike, at the moment I think I'm surviving on less than that. But I'm happy in my work, and S is happy in nursery. She spends time with children her age, doing the things children her age do, learning from them as they learn from her. Nursery has a light box, a play kitchen, 400 puzzles, a gazillion books a Tuff Spot, an outdoor play area that has no dog poo and no unpleasant smells, a sand pit, several different kinds of building blocks, and a big round table where all the children sit to eat lunch and snacks together. When I pick S up from nursery, they tell me what she had for lunch, and how many helpings she had. She eats very well at nursery, when surrounded by children her age all eating the same thing. At home... not so much. When you're inside the nursery, you can't hear the disaffected youth shouting up and down the street to each other outside. You can't see people dealing drugs from their windows. When she is playing outside, there is a chuffing great padlock on the nursery gate.

At nursery, my child is safe and secure and stimulated and educated and socialised and happy. How dare anyone tell me that she will grow up with mental health issues caused by going there?

Studies have shown that if children are not shown enough love in the first 2 years of their lives, their brains don't develop that capacity properly. So... choose a nursery where the staff are clearly taking care of the children well! When I collect S from nursery, all of the staff are just as excited as me or her keyworker at any new development she's made. When she's poorly and I arrive to collect her, she is invariably in her keyworker's arms getting a cuddle. Just because she is in nursery, that does not mean she doesn't receive love and affection. If anything, she receives more - because she has several adults with whom to mesmerise with her charm!

Women already feel endless guilt about returning to work. We already hate to leave our children. I spent most afternoons counting down the minutes until I can go and collect S. It's irresponsible and downright unkind to tell us that we're damaging our children!

What are we supposed to do? We're not supposed to claim benefits; everyone hates people on benefits. But now they hate us if we put our children in nursery too? How do we win this one?

Small Steps, Amazing Achievements - Steps!

This is a photo of S climbing down the stairs in WH Smith this weekend.

Turns out she's really into steps at the moment! This week we've been all about the steps. She wants to climb the stairs at home at every available opportunity, and has almost mastered the art of walking up with just a hand on the wall for support!

This morning we went to town... Every time we go to town, she wants to go into WH Smith; we rush to the back of the shop to go up the escalator, walk straight across the floor and come back down the stairs. She's not so great with coming down the steps, but she gives it a good shot.

Today I had to go across town to Tesco, so she walked along with me. Our library used to be a train station, and has a large, fancy entrance. There's a large portico on a platform with wide steps running along the entire front. There are hand rails at various intervals along the steps. S spotted them, and immediately wanted to have a go.

So off we went, up the four small, perfectly S-sized steps. Shouting "Step!" with each step. When we got to the top, we turned around and used what we discovered is a perfectly S-sized hand rail to get back down. We did this twice, before realising there were more steps in the library! So we went into the library and up the stairs to the gallery. Realising we'd run out of steps, we came back out and did a few more rounds of the small steps outside.

It took us a long time to actually make it to Tesco this morning, but it was so great to see S getting so good at steps. I think our trips into town are going to be extra-long for a little while, as we find more and more steps to climb!

Me and Liz Jones

I have this friend who likes to encourage me with my writing.
He thinks I should be writing a regular column for a national newspaper or magazine (so do I, as it happens). Last time I saw him, we were chatting and he said "there you go, you could be the next Liz Jones - the one people like!"

At first, I was a bit insulted to be compared to Liz Jones. She's hated by many, and I don't think much of her views on most things.

Then I remembered reading her book years ago. It's called Liz Jones's Diary: How One Single Girl Got Married and it's filled with self loathing and disappointment. I remember at the time, I kind of related to her and the way she felt about herself. She's no longer with her husband. Nirpal Dhaliwal had several affairs before they split up. She was largely portrayed as a neurotic harridan who drove him away with her weird habits and obsession with animals. She says herself she probably made herself unlovable. 

I've been watching Celebrity Big Brother lately (oh, come on; you didn't think I was high brow did you?) and there was a part in last Saturday evening's show that really surprised me. The housemates were all getting drunk, and Liz Jones told them that she didn't have sex until she was 32; and that her husband never once saw her naked. When asked why, she said it was because she'd always thought she was too hideous.

Liz Jones has issues on her issues. In her 20s she apparently didn't want to have sex until she was 7 stone 12. She barely eats; she has ridiculous rules and rituals. She is, to all intents and purposes, a mental. She has never eaten a whole bar of chocolate, a whole avocado, a whole banana. Bananas? For fuck's sake! BANANAS! My bloody toddler gobbles down a whole banana while she's waiting for me to cook her breakfast!

But I can completely relate to some of what she's said. The first time I had sex I was almost 18, and I don't think that boyfriend ever saw me naked. Throughout my life I've been plagued by the belief that I was ugly. I never understood why people were kind to me. When I was about 21 though, I went out with a man who seemed so gloriously oblivious to what others might think of him, I was completely in awe. I once asked him his secret, and he told me: "Nobody is ever going to notice that spot on your nose, because they're all too busy worrying about the spot on their own nose." That has stuck with me; I repeated it to myself like a mantra throughout my twenties.

When I stop and think about it, I feel desperately sorry for Liz Jones. I sort of look at her and think, "this is what might happen if you don't sort out your confidence issues." There but for the grace of God. I could very well have ended up like this. I have no idea what stopped me. I think I just don't have the self control. The woman has been teetering on the edge of anorexia (and probably often half way into the abyss) for 40 years. This woman has spent 30 years not eating after 7pm. At all. Ever. For thirty years.

While I was researching this post, I found a quote from her on the Mail website:

I was always fearful of getting pregnant because the thought of my stomach growing fat, of stretch marks and a big bum, was not a price I was willing to pay for a child. The whole process seemed messy, dirty, greedy.

I almost cried when I read that. How utterly, utterly sad, to miss out on having  a child for what is ultimately such a fucking stupid reason. That poor woman.  She's spent 40 years rigidly controlling what she eats, being skinny and wearing designer clothes, only to find - by her own admission - that it's made no difference. She is miserable and alone. And she'd rather be thin than happy.

Now I'm kind of thinking perhaps she writes such incendiary pieces because she wants the public to reflect the hatred she feels for herself. Perhaps, since she finds herself so disgusting, she just expects that from everyone else, and so does whatever she can - consciously or not - to illicit that response.

I think I probably do that too, sometimes. Definitely not to that extent, and definitely not as publicly as having a go at Holly Willoughby in a national newspaper. But I do. I sabotage relationships all the time without realising what I'm up to until much later. I have little respect for people who say they love me because ultimately, how stupid would one have to be, to fall in love with this.

I'm working on all of that though. I don't want to be the next Liz Jones. I want to be better than her! (And fatter. With better boobs.)

Wordless Wednesday: Our Week in Instagram 2014-01-22

I love putting these posts together; it's so much fun to look back over the last week and remember all the fun stuff we got up to!

Now it's your turn. Link up any post that's mainly photos, and take a look at what everyone else has been up to! I'd also love it if you'd leave a comment here (makes me feel popular), like me on Facebook (makes me look popular) or follow me on Twitter (the definition of popular, surely). 

Gogglebox?

A few months ago, a friend gave us a Tinker Bell  dvd. It sat on the shelf for a while, and then one day when S was teething and nothing was working, I put it on for her. She was instantly hooked. It quickly became our go-to dvd for when S was feeling a little sensitive, or teething, or over-tired. Over Christmas, when she was suffering with four molars, we watched it daily. Sometimes several times a day.

S watching Tinker Bell

At the beginning of the movie, a baby laughs. One day, S started saying "baby!" right before the baby came on screen. Then one day I noticed she would do a little pretend sneeze right before one of the characters sneezed. There's a bit where they're riding in a horse and card (with a mouse instead of a horse) and it falls over. She puts her hands to her cheeks and exclaims, "oh no!" In another bit, two of the characters are insulted and hang their heads. S copies their movements and facial expressions. When the fairy queen nods, so does S.

I know that TV can be influential on children, in a sort of theoretical way, but I don't think I ever realised to what extent. To see that my 21-month-old child can remember a 90-minute storyline well enough to pre-empt sneezes, even when it often looks like her attention is elsewhere, is both cute and frightening.

When it comes to children's TV, we've only ever watched CBeebies - because it's a whole channel devoted to S's age group, so I don't have to be familiar with the TV listings to know when there will be something on that's suitable for her. My sister prefers CITV, but I told her that S is only to have CBeebies on because I don't want her watching endless adverts for crap.

I don't watch any live TV these days. If I do sit down in front of the TV, I use the Virgin Media catch-up service or watch a dvd. I've not seen adverts for a long time now. Until recently, when I happened to sit down to watch Celebrity Big Brother one evening... I actually didn't watch very much of it; it pissed me off so I went to bed. But the next morning when we got up, the TV was still on that channel, and that channel was showing children's shows so I decided to leave it there, for a bit of a change.

I was quickly horrified by the adverts between the shows. For one thing, they're really quite frequent. For another, just... yikes! So much crap! There was one ad that appeared in every break for "Ever After High," a school for the children of fairy story characters. I'm not even sure what they were selling; there didn't seem to be a doll or a magazine or anything. The end of the ad just directed us to their website, which I am loath to check out if I'm honest.

What are these people trying to sell my child, in between Peppa Pig and Ben and Holly? What are they trying to turn her into? Having recently realised how much of what's on TV goes into S's head without her even looking like she's paying attention, I was terrified.

So we've switched back to CBeebies. And I've made the conscious decision that in future, we'll be listening to a lot more music and watching a lot less TV all round!

Magic Moments: Sometimes "Uneventful" is Perfect.

Some weekends, you go out and do lots of fun and exciting things. Or you stay home and do lots of fun and exciting things.

And some weekends, you do none of the above. And it's great.

"Reading" a book about happiness by a French monk...
I don't think he can teach this one anything!

I had wanted to go to the beach this weekend; we went to the coast with a friend on my day off in the week, and S had a fabulous time. But my mother didn't want to drive us, and the weather didn't look predictable enough to risk the bus (nothing worse than sitting on a bus for an hour in freezing wet clothes after being caught in the rain), so we abandoned the idea.

Instead, we stayed in for most of Saturday, except for a brief trip to a local garden centre with my mother. I say "garden centre;" This place has alpacas, tropical fish, tortoises, chickens, snakes, lizards, parrots, birds... it's basically a mini zoo. The only things S was interested in though, were running up and down a ramp outside, and briefly saying hello to the tropical fish.

Practising walking down stairs in WH Smith. 

On Sunday, my sister came over and we went for a walk around town. S made most of the decisions regarding where we walked, and we ended up having a nice wander around the Cathedral Close, before nipping into WH Smith to enjoy their escalator and practise climbing down stairs. In the afternoon I had been considering grandiose plans of messy play and biscuit making and all sorts... but S seemed perfectly happy wandering about the living room in her vest. She jumped on the trampoline, read books, did some colouring, pulled faces, ran up and down the hall like a mad thing, and generally had a giggle. 

Although she needed little assistance in her play, I found it was fun to just sit and watch her. Every now and then she would look over and I'd exclaim "wow! That was good!" or similar, and then she'd carry on. Sometimes she came over to me to see what I was doing, or to ask for something. My sister was here for part of the afternoon and S sometimes interacted with her. I think she enjoyed having an audience to play up to, showing off her new words and skills. 

Around tea time, a friend popped in for a coffee. S decided that since she'd not seen him for a few weeks, she'd give him a thorough demonstration of my office chair, and spent most of the time he was here spinning round in circles shouting "wow!" When she was done with that, she showed off her climbing skills by balancing on one of the arms, and when my nerves got the better of me and she was removed, by standing on her own chair. 

After a rather messy tea, she had a long shower, got into her PJs, had some stories, and went to bed. As I came back downstairs, I was struck by what a lovely weekend we'd had.

S was off nursery for two weeks over Christmas, during which time she was in pain with four molars coming through, and the weather was pants. We both went a little stir crazy and were more than a little fed up by New Year. I don't think we really enjoyed that time together. But the last two days have been fabulous; we've had great fun just doing normal, every day things. 

Never underestimate how perfect an uneventful weekend can be. 

Keeping Up With The Meditation

A few weeks ago I signed up to a primordial sound meditation course. It's all done online, but when you sign up for it, you have to commit to meditate every day for 21 days. If you miss a day, you have to go back to day 1 and start again. Because it takes 21 days to form a habit.

I did my 21 days of meditation, many days meditating twice for 30 minutes each time. I loved it; I bored people silly with telling them how much I loved it, and what fabulous improvements I was experiencing in all areas of my life.

And then, for reasons I'm not entirely sure of, once the three weeks were safely over, I stopped. I think I stopped for about a week or so. During that time, my life suddenly seemed really hard.

Anyone who's read The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks will tell you I was having an "Upper Limit Problem." Basically, things seemed to be going quite well with my work... so I went a bit batshit on my personal life. I panicked at a few things that should actually be quite exciting, and everything went to pot because of it.

At least two evenings last week, I put S to bed and then sat at my desk crying. I felt crappy. I wasn't coping with things, I was hugely unproductive in the time I had to myself, and the time I spent with S was not well spent either.

It's not that I actively decided "yes, I'll stop meditating now." I decided very early on that I intended to keep up my practice indefinitely because I really did (do) feel that it's helpful in every area of my life. I just... fell out of the habit I suppose. One evening I looked at the clock and realised if I wanted to meditate for half an hour now, I would be really late for bed - and I had to be up early in the morning. And the same for the next day, and the next and the next. I have no clue why I wasn't just making time to meditate during the day while S was at nursery any longer. I think I convinced myself that I was too busy... doing what, I have no idea. 

Over the weekend, I gave myself a bit of a stern talking to and decided I really needed to sort my shit out, as it were. And so I began again. And it felt pretty good. Suddenly I remembered all the good reasons for finding that half an hour in my day. Suddenly I remembered how good it felt to take that half hour out of my day. 

And now... Now I need to work on not being scared of success I suppose, and not buggering everything up when I am scared. Feel the fear and all that. And to recognise that my meditation practice is only going to help me with that process.

Silent Sunday 2014-01-19

Weekend Blog Hop 2014-01-18

Happy Saturday everyone!

Here, have a lovely photo to brighten your weekend:

Isn't she gorgeous? I still can't believe they let me keep her!

Laura is still indisposed, so I'm still looking after the Blog Hop for her.

There are no rules, but I would love if you'd do things like visit other blogs that are linked up, leave a comment below, like me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter.

So here we are. Please link up your FACEBOOK PAGE here:



And please link up your BLOG here:

A Simple Guide to Product Reviews

A couple of people have asked me lately about product reviews; how you get the product, what you write for the review, etc. So I thought I'd write a little blog post about it.

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The first thing to mention is this post I wrote a while back, the general gist of which is that you should avoid doing too many reviews! Think about it: you've got X number of people who come to your blog every day/week/whenever to read about you and your... whatever it is you blog about. Unless you set up your blog in the first place as somewhere to review products, your readers are not going to keep coming back if it suddenly turns into that.

Any way, on with the show...

How to Get Products 

So you've got your blog, and you've got some readers, and you're loving it... but Twitter is full of people posting links to reviews of really cool stuff, and you want in on it. How do you do that?!

• First things first - only review products that fit your blog. If your blog is about health and fitness, don't write a review of a fast food restaurant. 
• If you're a parent blogger, signing up to Tots 100 can be a good place to start. Not because they necessarily hand out a lot of review opportunities, but because once you have a Tots 100 badge on your blog, you will have a place in their ranking each month. This, along with things like your Klout score, the number of Twitter followers you have etc, can be a good thing to mention if you're requesting products for review.
• Bloggers Required is a great place to start; they post review opportunities for all sorts of different things, and you can "pitch" for things. I've got lots of reviews this way.
• As your blog becomes more established, make sure you have a good About page with details of how to contact you. Keep it updated with relevant information about you, and make sure you mention that you are keen to review products. That way PRs who are looking for someone to review their product are more likely to email you. Similarly, keep your Tots 100 profile and profiles on other sites up to date.
• If someone sends you a product to review, always maintain a good relationship with them. Responding promptly to emails and getting reviews up in good time may well lead to more opportunities from the same person/company.
• Another good thing to do is take a regular look at Twitter hashtags #journorequest and #prrequest. You'll often find people on there looking for bloggers to review their products.
• One thing to bear in mind is that you don't need to be given a free product to review; you can just review something you've bought and is relevant to your blog. This is something Kip Hakes has been doing for years, and I think he's right about people being constantly on the blag for free stuff.
• That said, if you really like the look of a product, and would like a free one to review, there's no harm in contacting the company in question to see if they'll send you one for review. I signed up to do a series of posts on Yahoo Contributor Network before remembering that I didn't own a reliable sports bra... so I contacted a couple of companies to see if they would provide one for review. You'd be surprised at how many companies are open to working in this way nowadays, and really the worst they can say is no!

Testing the Product

I always make sure I test my product as thoroughly as possible. If I'm sent clothes for S, I make sure they've been through the wash etc before I pass comment on them. When I had a new frying pan to review I made sure I'd cooked a few things in it and washed it several times before I wrote about how great it was.

Writing Your Review

• I've seen "reviews" where people have clearly blagged themselves a free product in return for a review, and their post consists of "look, here's X product... I got sent one... you can buy it here" with no information as to what they thought of it, whether it was fit for purpose etc. Although to a certain extent people will be providing you with things just for the link you'll put in your post, also spare a thought for your readers!
• Think about what you would want to know about a product. For me the main things are the cost, and whether it's worth that price. Don't be afraid to say "It costs this much, and I wouldn't pay that for it"  but back that up with a reason as to why you wouldn't pay that much.
• If you got the product through the company's website, mention how easy it was to do that. One of my most-read reviews is this one of Vistaprint photo books,  where I mentioned how many extras they try to get you to buy when you're checking out.
• Always make sure to include a disclaimer, stating the terms of the review. I usually say something like I was provided with this product free of charge in exchange for a review, but this was not dependent on my writing a favourable review. It's important that your readers know you weren't just given this thing in exchange for advertising it. And if that was the case, you need to let them know that your post is an advertisement rather than a review.
• If you're not sure what to write, or how to say something, it's always worth looking at reviews on other blogs to see how they've gone about doing things. Obviously don't copy them, but using other blogs for inspiration is a great way to get those creative juices flowing. Make sure the words and opinions are your own though; if you find that another blogger reviewed the same product and didn't like it, that doesn't mean you shouldn't write a positive review if you did like it!
• Always try to include a good photo of the product. If it's a toy, I also try to include one of the toy being played with, and with clothes I take a photo of S in them rather than just flat on the floor.

Timing

Many PRs or brands will be keen to get your review online as soon as possible; but you need to ensure you have time to actually review the product properly. 

Make sure it's made clear how long you will take to review any product. This is something you can mention on your About page, or discuss on an ad hoc basis as new opportunities come in. 

Do you have any tips to add? If so please do leave a comment below!

Weekly Gratitude Linky 2014-01-17

Happy Friday everyone!

This week I have lots of things to be grateful for!

• My friend Anne, who invited S and I to her daughter's 2nd birthday party, drove to collect us, and made the world's best trifle. It was so lovely to see S playing with Anne's daughter. They even had a little dance together!
• I've had a blog for the local newspaper for a few months now, and as of next week it will be printed in the local free paper instead! This is a massive deal for me, and I'm really pleased about it. 
• I have had some great opportunities come my way lately, and I'm really excited about all of them. Even if nothing comes of any of it, it's so nice to have these things even be an option!
• I'm incredibly grateful to have a certain friend in my life; not least because he bought me a TV this week, completely out of the blue. He's also just a very good friend to have around and gives excellent life advice.
• I'm grateful for all the people I've met through this blog, for everyone on Twitter who answers my random tweets and chat to me.
• I'm grateful for a lady who set up a closed group on Facebook for women who've been in similar (and much worse) situations to me. The help and support I get from those ladies is unfaltering and the lady who set the group up is a bit of a legend.

Now it's your turn! 

You can link up any post that's positive and happy. Let's spread the happiness and positive vibes for the weekend!

Resistance is Futile...

I had a massage the other day. My mum had given me Neals Yard vouchers for Christmas so I decided that was the best way to spend them.

I went to the same man I saw last time I had a massage... three years ago. Unsurprisingly, he didn't remember me. Until I was laying on the bench, and then he recognised my tattoo and the piercings on my neck.

As Chris worked to release three years' worth of knots, I was reminded of the last time I was there, and all the things that have happened since. All the drama and trauma and fighting and... resisting.

My back was ridiculously tense, after carrying S inside me for 8 months, and then outside of me for another 21 months. Plus all the non-physical stress I've been through. There were a lot of knots, and anyone who has had a massage before knows that when they find that great big knot in your back and start working to release it... your first reaction is to resist it. You want to tense up and try and squirm away from that niggly, sort-of pain. But really, you know that the only way out of this is through. You know that there is a massive knot there, and you know you'll feel better once it's gone, and you know the only way to make it go is to just try and relax and let this person massage it out... but you still feel like you want to tense up and try and shield yourself from that nasty, niggly feeling every time their hands go over it.

Sounds a bit like life, doesn't it?

Sometimes, you know what you have to do. And you know that once it's done and sorted, life will be easier. Maybe you have a lot of issues to work through, but you don't want to take the lid off that particular box because you've kept it on there this long for a damn good reason. Maybe it's only one thing you need to face, but it's massive and messy and painful and you'd really rather not. And so it sits there, just on the edge of your consciousness, popping into your head when you're trying to sleep at night or someone mentions something that reminds you of it...

Or maybe it's just simple things, like opening and email or text message you suspect might contain something you don't want to hear. Or not opening any post with a window. Or avoiding a person. 

And then, one day, you decide to just bloody deal with it. Stop resisting, and deal with it. So you open every one of the 72 unread messages in your mail box. Or you make yourself think about the things you've been avoiding thinking about for so long. 

That's what I've been doing lately. Everything from reading my emails to dealing with long-buried issues. It's niggly. But the only way out is through, just as it was when I was getting that massage. But I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end.

In other news, never leave it 3 stressful years between massages. 

Wordless Wednesday: Our Week in Instagram 2014-01-15

This was our week, and it was fabulous!

This is a linky; I'd love if you'd link up any post that is mainly photos.

There are no other rules. I'd love it if you'd do such things as leave a comment here, like me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. But if you don't feel like it (I do chat a lot of rubbish), I won't hate you for it. Probably.

Here we go then...

Receive, Receive, Receive!

As a general rule, I don't accept help from people.

I don't like to put people out, and the last thing I want is for people to start thinking "bloody Vicky, can't do anything for herself, every time I see her I have to do something for her."

The other day, a friend asked me, "is that what you think when you help me?" Well no, of course it's not. I wouldn't offer to help my friends if I didn't want to. I don't help my friends in order to get something in return... And then I realised what I was saying...

It's sort of insulting to say that my friends wouldn't just help me out of the kindness of their hearts, that they might expect something in return, or that they might offer whilst secretly hoping I decline.

There is also an element of pride involved in my turning down offers of help and support; I never want it to be said that I can't look after myself and my daughter on my own. I don't want anyone to ever think I'm not capable.

I read a book recently about something entirely different, but the author made the point that if someone wants to help you, and you turn them down, you're sort of insulting them by not allowing them to help. The author said you should make a conscious to receive what is offered, whether it be help, support or a compliment, without trying to refuse or deflect it.

I am bad at receiving compliments. Historically I've never been a fan of the way I looked so when someone else says my hair or my clothes or whatever look good, my stock response is "shut up." I have this friend who keeps complimenting me, and because he does it so often, he really notices the response as being decidedly negative. He told me not so long ago, "if you keep brushing the compliments off, people will stop giving them!" And then I read several books that would probably fall into the category of "self-help" which all said that when someone offers a compliment you should always receive it graciously.

Before Christmas I actually took the big (for me) step of asking for help collecting S's Christmas present from the shop. And you know what, it actually made me feel pretty good to have done it. The world didn't end; the person who helped me didn't resent me for it, everything was just fine.

And then, the ultimate exercise in receiving without question arose. Every time I switch my TV on lately, it looks a little like it's supposed to be in 3D but I don't have the glasses on. At first I thought perhaps they'd started showing CBeebies in 3D... then I realised that my TV was probably dying. It's been dying for months; it was given to me by a dear friend when I first moved in here and has served us well, but alas it's now on its way out. Even with 3D glasses it's a headache to watch. I put a Facebook status up, because that's what I do about a million times a day.

Post by Single Mother Ahoy.

I had a brief moment of shit, what will I do if it stops working all together? I can't afford a new TV! and then I remembered that I'm determined to be positive these days; I've been trying to do that thing where you don't worry about anything, and trust that "the universe will provide" or "it'll all come good in the end." So I forgot about it, and just fiddled with the scart leads at the back of the TV to try and improve the picture (short term solution to everything: wiggle the lead and think happy thoughts. Works surprisingly well).

And then... then I got a text message from a friend: If the TV is knackered don't worry. I'll sort a new one for you if you don't mind? First thought: WTF? This is someone I don't know terribly well; even if I did, there's no way I could allow him to buy me a TV. Second thought: Why not? Clearly this person wants to do this, or he would have just ignored my Facebook status and moved on. We have already established that he is not trying to get into my knickers. I was at a loss as to what his motive might be but I figured that if I'm going to say "the universe will provide" then I really should accept when I'm offered a new TV. So we went to the shop, and he bought me a new TV. And I felt very uncomfortable about the whole experience. 

I still have little clue as to why this person would buy me a new TV... except for the fact that were the shoe on the other foot, and I had some money in my pocket, I'd buy a friend a TV if theirs broke. It makes me feel uncomfortable to accept things from people, but I know how it can make me feel good to help a friend. Just last week I gave my sofa and fake Christmas tree to a local family, and felt pretty bloody amazing for it (not just because I hated the sofa with a passion usually reserved only for BNP members; the fact it clearly made them happy brightened my day to no end). So I'm working on the whole "receiving" thing.

Say hello to the new Vicky... and her spiffy new TV.

Falling In Love

I don't fall in love with the way someone looks.

I don't get a massive crush on a man's physique

I don't care what colour his hair is, his eyes, what clothes he likes, what music he's into (except Coldplay, obviously. Will not tolerate Coldplay under any circumstances).

I am a writer. Writing is what makes me happy. Reading makes me feel whole.

I fall in love with words.

I have been madly in love with Jack Kerouac for twenty years, since I read On the Road  (he's been dead for forty; it doesn't matter).

I develop massive crushes on men who are able to hold up their end of a conversation. I lust after bloggers who are able to write; I don't care what they write about, they just have to be good at it.

I read something recently that said when you're dating, you shouldn't limit yourself. You should go on dates with whoever happens to ask, regardless of whether you think he's your "type" or not. You might fall madly in love with someone, if you just allow it to happen.

But I don't think I could ever over-look the fact that someone just doesn't like to read.
It's fine if someone doesn't know the difference between there and they're but to not care that there's a difference, that the words mean two completely different things... I couldn't live with someone like that.

You don't have to like the same books as me, but to not like books at all... that these people even exist baffles me entirely.

And yes, you may say "but what about the dyslexics, or those who never learned to read?" And my answer to that is... I know plenty of people who have trouble reading or are dyslexic. It's not about the ability to read, it's about the love of words. The conviction that no movie, no matter how good the acting or how amazing the CGI, will ever be even close to as good as what you can imagine when you pick up the book. Even Harry Potter. Especially Harry Potter.

How to Beat the Post Christmas Blues

It’s always hard to get back to a normal, everyday routine after the excitement of Christmas. No more parties, no more presents and no more festive food – just the long month of January waiting.

So it’s easy to feel the post-Christmas blues in the New Year. It’s cold, money is tight and everyone has to make the dreary trudge back to work and school.

Which is why I’m determined to beat the post-Christmas blues this year. And I’m going to teach you how to too.

Make plans

Christmas is an extremely busy time of year, full of parties, nativity plays and family get-togethers. So when it’s all over your social calendar can seem rather empty and your normal life rather boring.

Which is why we’ll be making plans for the New Year this year.

Breaking out of our usual routine will be the perfect way to break the monotony of the New Year, so I’m already planning daytrips for our family to go on. And as soon as Haven’s campsites open in the spring, we’ll be going for a family weekend away in anticipation of the holiday season.

Get active

Getting active is also important. If you’re approaching your forties like me, you’ll know that the extra pounds you pile on at Christmas can be harder to shake off than when you’re younger.

But it’s also important for the kids to get active after Christmas when much of their time is spent sat in front of the telly, watching Christmas films and eating chocolate.

Nothing wrong with that at all – I love it – but exercise can put the whole family in a good mood and refresh you for a New Year at work and school.

So from January we’ll be walking to school, playing outside more and even going on more active holidays!

Do something fun

Nothing cheers you up like a bit of fun.

Sometimes it feels like there’s a severe lack of good times after Christmas, which is why you need to get pro-active in the fun stakes.

Take up a new hobby, have a film night watching comedy movies or have a weekend getaway somewhere you’ve never been.

We’ll be doing all three but I’m particularly looking forward to a weekend getaway as there’s nothing that breaks wintery monotony than a few days away!

Sort your finances out

One of the main causes of my post-Christmas blues is that my bank balance usually takes a hit.

But the New Year is the perfect time to make a resolution to get your finances in order instead of moping around wondering where all your money went.

One of the ways I’ll be doing that this year is by cutting back a little. For example, instead of going on a foreign holiday, we’ll save money by spending it in this country. And the earlier you book, the better chance you stand of getting a good deal so come January, We’ll be looking around for holiday deals at campsites in Cornwall

We’ll have just as much fun and spend half as much money!

Eat healthily

Finally, if you’re still feeling the post-Christmas blues after all that, maybe you should try altering your diet.

In our family we love to eat, but too much junk food makes us a bit sluggish.

When we go on holiday it’s always tempting to eat out but in the back of my mind I know it’s not the best thing for my family’s health.

So when we go and stay at Haven in the New Year, we’ll be going self-catering. There’s a supermarket on every park so stocking up on ingredients won’t be a problem and we’ll be able to have a healthy, hearty meal at the end of every day – boosting our moods and our appetites.

Have you got any more tips for beating the post-Christmas blues? I’d love to hear them!

This is a sponsored guest post from Haven Holidays.